A girl lies down alone tonight
A boy is quietly saying goodnight
They both love each other, but it will never be
Because she’s dying, can’t you see?
He visits her in her hospital bed
Tries to clear the image from his head
Day after day their lives progress
She undergoes surgery; it’s not a success
Maybe one day she might be cured
But for now her cries can’t be heard
Not even by the boy by her side
He’s too scared to face her; he’s trying to hide
Leaves her in the hospital unknown
And the next day he goes to school alone
Gets a phone call in the middle of class
Runs to the office, returns real fast
His friends ask him what is wrong
Brushes them off, puts his music on
That day, he walks home on his own
Thinking of her chills him to the bone
The call had said, "She died today”
He’s drowning in his own dismay
She left a letter on her desk
Minutes before her body regressed
[Dear my love, I love you so
But I cannot stay anymore
Cause darling, dear, I had to go
I just couldn’t hold on no more
It’s not your fault; don’t take the blame
The disease came to me and took dead aim
I’ll see daddy in heaven, maybe you too
Just remember that I will always love…]
The writing stopped right then and there
I guess she died with that final prayer
A few days pass, and then he’s found
Dead, with a letter beside him on the ground
[Dear my love, I love you too
Nothing can tear me apart from you
I’m sorry I could not stay no more
Cause darling, dear, I love you so
I’ll see you in heaven like you said
But honey, please don’t blame your death
My final one was my sweetest breath
Cause I’ll be with you soon, at peace with my heart
In death, nothing can tear us apart]
A funeral is held the very next day
Silence fills the air, there’s nothing to say
Two children are buried side by side
With each other in death, they can survive
Two names are written upon two stones
Never again will they be alone
The parents stay up that night and grieve
Wishing they could follow and leave
The one thought that saves them forever
Knowing that their children are safe in heaven together
Author notes
contest: options [pw allowed] --> option 1: lust
(the lust/love is so strong it brings them to suicide)
In a list
- bronze; • next in list
- honorable mention; • next in list
- rhyme; • next in list
- feels like dying; • next in list
A contest entry
- Break My Heart by Mistress Masquerade.
600 points, ended July 11, 2008, 47 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tragic Ending by PhenollBarbidoll.
300 points, ended September 21, 2008, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me feel! by Babesface.
550 points, ended April 20, 41 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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This is such a sad story. I really like it though, it's powerful. I loved the letters. They're so sad. It almost brought me to tears. Well done.
Good luck and thanks for entering. -
thats really good!!! very touching
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This is really amazing. It's so sad. True love defeats all.
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This is so sad. Almost like Romeo and Juliet without the Bard telling the story in his picturesque style. the rhyme is good and so is the flow ... it just seems like a tale too often told. Thank you for entering.
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The title does fit this poem and the ending does fit this contest perfectly... thank you for entering it into my contest
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Funnily enough, I think I've read this before. I LOVED IT
It was such a sweet and heartfelt poem with immaculate rhyme and flow. I can't express how impressed I was by this piece.
Congratulations and good luck in the contest.
Chin up,
Swim.x
'His friends ask him what is wrong
Brushes them off, puts his music on
That day, he walks home on his own
Thinking of her chills him to the bone' -
You are a wonderful storyteller! Thank you for sharing this..it touched me.
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i am sorry to inform you that you are disqualified. the length limit was 40. beautiful poem, however. i love it. it reminded me of romeo and juliet. it was tragic and very beautiful. well done. thank you for entering my contest though. keep writing.
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sorry bout that.. i forgot that this was a long poem.
is it okay if i re-enter a different poem?
and is it okay if it's 44 lines? -
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yeah, thats fine with me. i really like this one too, just to let you know that that was the only reason that i disqualified you. it is really beautiful.
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this is well written and very tragic. I have only one suggestion and that is line breaks or stanzas to give the reader a place to stop and breath ... to think and ponder before going on. It's like climbing a beautiful hill and resting to take in the view before going on... thank you for entering
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Very beautiful and tragic. It even brought tears to my eyes.
~airy~ -
You brought tears to my eyes, that is tragic and true love... So painful and sweet. This is just beautiful. Thank you for entering.
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Wow... Took my breath away. Kinda brought tears to my eyes. Great write. Keep up the good work.
~Ookami~
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thankss =)
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no words. -
this contest is becoming so hard to judge you never realise the pain o it. its so powerful and emotional thankyou
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