~
Sucking my yin from under my skin
I shy, shy from the light
Never seen light that didn't consume the dark
That didn't leave me sold out and stark
I shy, shy from the light
Floundering in the dark side of heart
Sucking yang from the Fathers fang
Living with guilt and blame, its always the same
Hanging in the imbalance
Singing with silence
I shy, shy from the light
Living out of sight
Sucking my yin from underneath my skin
I shy, shy from the daylight
Living for tonight
~
Author notes
hello!
graphic art by me
whats going on in your portals girls and boys?
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Bravo
Oops, I've commented upon this before, and, as you can see, I still love it! A most poignant and twice potent piece of verse--an intense pain--extremely well done--The repeated lines "I shy, shy.." are, frankly, exceptional! Very powerful! bravo... bravo... bravo... -
This poem can make a great song.Good lyrics in it.CUTE
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wow. this has got such a beautiful lyrical quality to it, and i'm sure you realized the beauty of "i shy, shy", but i just feel the need to point out has much fun that phrase is to say and read. you should record this, or read this, or rest safe in knowing that i've already read it aloud quite a few times. just a beautifully paced bit of writing. exceptionally well written.
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This poem has some great moments - Its juxtapositions and cool repetitions were reeling, reeling me in. I've got some time next week and will be back!
Love & Peace, Kezz
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This was a very enjoyable poem, and you managed to say a lot with few words. Nice use of ying-yang within the poem, Well done!
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There's an interesting interplay of opposites here: darkness and light, yin and yang, audible voices and silence. This thesis/antithesis method provides a thought provoking context for "Hanging in the inbalance." I enjoyed it very much, as it captured a sort of warily painful experience very well.
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Portal is pumping
Hello! I'm glad you took the crows back. I love your graphic art - do you mind if I say it reminds me of Bjork? And Alice.
The poem is strong and sad, for me. Repetition works well, also /shy, shy from the light/ shows shying. Like the play with yin/yang, Fathers fang is a very uncomfortable image.
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Bjork! No I don't mind at all, in fact I thank you. And you hit the nail on the head with Alice, as that is what I titled it.
thanks for your comments!
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This is a refreshing poem. I enjoyed the read.
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i like the concept, but i think the rhyming was a bit forced.
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bravo
A wonderful piece so full of atmosphere and mood, completely intriguing and wistful in a slighly dark and so very excellent way! bravo... bravo... bravo..
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Clever
I read it at least ten times and found so many stories. That is what writers want to happen. Very nice! Thanks for the thoughts and words.
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This seems like the start of a song. It is very rhythmic and almost beating! I really like the lines, "Floundering in the dark side of heart
Sucking yang from the Fathers fang"
Very dark and eloquent! -
Such an intriguing piece of abstarct emotion. Some great word play here; carving out a stream of conscience to consume. Well penned!
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My first impression is the rhyme scheme is jumbled with no particular form. I think for a rhyming poem to flow correctly it has to have some sort of repetition. I do like the repetition of the I shy, shy from the light. I also like in the end how you changed it, the last lines are probably the most powerful.
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Wow, awesome. I love this, esp. because I use the yin-yang symbol a lot in my art, too!
~A
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Oooh! Nice job, girly! Eerie - wooohhhh....
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I liked it. The end and internal rhymes were good...and I liked the references to the yin and yang.
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yr stuff is always great
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I liked it. It hd a catchy sort of repitition which made me smile.
Again, you're a badass with the graphic art. What program do you use?
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beatifully sculpted to perfection i love the repation as this could be turned to a cacthy song while reataining it poetic nature and i am also a graphic artist great work on that 2
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