Wake up early
way too early
but just early enough
so you're not overwhelmed with stuff
because stuff equals fluff
and we don't want fluffy stuff
the daily morning routine
over and over again
back to where we started
never further than where we stopped
such a dreary routine
...
look in the mirror
at nothing but yourself
lost in it all
esteem seeps through your fingers
into the swirls of the drain
starring in disdain
at the mirror
to yourself
...
in the distance
a grin is seen
creeping slowly onto the face of reality
for it is then
which every moment is held still
so that a smile can once again be born
born into detain-able ways of society
with variety of anxiety
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I really enjoyed this poem, I loved
"but just early enough
so you're not overwhelmed with stuff
because stuff equals fluff
and we don't want fluffy stuff"
made me smile and I love the stuff, fluff, fluffly stuff connection.
great write! great job!! -
a good piece of poetry, aye we don't want fluffy stuff lol well we have to have a laugh in life, grins and smiles are good.
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I like this! it's very relatable. I like the lines "look in the mirror
at nothing but yourself
lost in it all
esteem seeps through your fingers
into the swirls of the drain
starring in disdain
at the mirror
to yoursef" -
look in the mirror
at nothing but yourself
lost in it all
esteem seeps through your fingers
into the swirls of the drain
starring in disdain
at the mirror
to yoursef
this poem reminded me another poem by another poet
http://allpoetry.com/poem/1853668
both are great -
wow this sounds like me
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picture me perfect.
humorus because this is me every morning.Its everyone! Very relatable. Always late and in a droning routine!! Ah to laugh, to smile at yourself once in a while. its needed to keep your sanity -
This piece has a lot of potential. There are some really great lines, particularly in the second stanza. My only suggestion would be to consider the first stanza, particularly lines 4-6, which seem to remain a little more superficial than the rest of the poem. A
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good
NastyNickie
I can't believe you are only 15 & wrote this. Its canny. Its full of life and thought. It's brave and intense. Its not morbid. and it appeals in a lot of different ways. keep writing and we will keep reading.
my favorite lines were "esteem seeps through your fingers into the swirls of the drain"
jingle
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Wow! Is really all I can say to this one. This was beautiful in all its glory. This piece just shines bright. Best wishes to you in all of your endeavors and thank you for sharing. Keep that pen handy and ever ready for use dear poet.
♥ Touchof1der -
I think I may have to add you to my fav's
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Amazing
Wow that poem was very much amazing!! I think its very true.. It really reached out to me.. Keep writting and you will write many more that are just as good as this one im sure!!
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Excellent!!!
I think you want to make yoursef add an l. I just shudder that someone your age writes like this but then I spent many hours with DarknessFleeting and Mechanical Angel. They consider me Uncle Robin but I'm no different inside than when I was a teenager. You have some great concepts here and perhaps if you review my homepage you might find 'Modern Products' and 'Another Load' right down your turnpike. I bet you are a difficult one to get a handle on and you haven't been putting on the 'smile' for nearly as long as I have. I love this piece and you got my nod even though that means nothing to you or anyone else in this lost space. RC -
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I appreciate your thoughts greatly. BTW, it took me no longer than 5 minutes to write that.
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