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Ruined



Laced flawlessness,
Sodden with ruby toxin,
from emerald pores.

Creating rifts,
Along facial bones,
distorting,
the once cherished face.

Which begins to shriek,
as pieces disperse,
falling,
laying utterly destroyed.



Author notes

Word Prompt = Broken
30 words

A contest entry

Please critique my work if you feel this needs improving

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • Immortal Obscurity Greeters member
    May 18, 2008

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    Wow... "Ruby toxin" =Sensory orgasm... Seriously! You could get into the finals on that alone! I really enjoyed your entry, and your word choices were superb! Well done, and good luck!

    Laura x


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    March 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is true sadness...sorry if it's based on actual ways you feel, I know what it feels like to be broken time and time again and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, except maybe those who broke me in the first place.


  • Blooming Poet
    March 21, 2008

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    Ruined is such a general title, so I didin't know what exactly to expect, I was so touched to read this poem. Amazing word choice. It is sad but so poetically sad.


  • Erika Elektrikka
    March 12, 2008

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    Great poem. Full or descriptive words and eerie imagery.


    Good Luck,
    Erika


  • Angels Whispers gold member
    March 9, 2008

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    Congrats on the trophy, it was a well deserved win for a wonderful poem penned.you were a pleasure to read.thank you for sharing this with us.
    Many blessings.
    Angel.


  • SignifyingNothing
    March 8, 2008

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    Some great imagery here. I wonder, is the 'ruby toxin' blood? A wonderful dark write about a person's deconstruction, whether taken figuratively or literally.


  • Hetha gold member
    March 8, 2008

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    You did extremely well with your imagery here, and did nicely with the prompt. The verbiage was quite well done. Thank you for sharing such a unique perspective.


  • Lost in a Dreamstar
    March 7, 2008
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    Good!


  • Amy Meneses
    March 7, 2008

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    this is amazing, well worth a gold trophy but silver is still good. Powerful and mistique, I loved that you started with a discription of lace and ended with destroyed. WONDERFUL!!!!!


  • animated lies
    March 7, 2008

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    A complete definition of how we all feel when we hear the word "ruined." Thank you for sharing this with the group.

    animated


  • grannyeri gold member
    March 6, 2008

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    Certainly fits the prompt word well. Liked the visuals of brokenness which these words give. Nice silver trophy to add to your collections as well.

  • piccola silver member
    March 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    congrats on the silver! good use of the prompt too. Thank you for sharing with the group.


  • maralisa silver member
    March 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is a great take on the promt
    thanks for sharing it with the group


  • daviscth silver member
    March 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A wonderful take on the prompt. Thanks so much for taking time to post in my contest. I appreciate your entry very much.


  • Third Orbit Mars
    March 3, 2008

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    i like this. its short, but very powerful and descriptive. rather than describe a certain situation, you instead described the overall sense of the term "broken", and thats always refreshing. nice work.
    /Red


  • vampireblood
    March 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice take on the prompt. I like it. Very sad.
    Thanks for entering and best of luck to you in my contest.
    ~Vampy~

1 - 19 of 19