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The Ladies of the Night

She strolled along the lonely darkened street,
mini-skirted, high heeled shoes upon her feet.
Eyebrows slanted upwards across her head,
lipstick(hastily applied) was a vivid red.
False eyelashes and,mascara round the brims,
from a distance, looked attractive for her sins.
She paused under the lamp’s light to be seen,
then the punters were few and far between.
Some colleagues she knew, were missing from their pitch,
and later found dead, and naked in a ditch.
Some regular punters departed in haste,
To avoid being involved in the serial murder case.
The time would soon be coming round again,
to need another fix of crack cocaine.
Her thoughts brought her back to the time of her teens,
a sweet young girl with a head so full of dreams.
then she fell for a smart drug pusher’s tricks,
who started her off with a crack cocaine fix.
He set her off on the nightmare road to hell,
the dangers of which, she could not foretell.
And now alone, the fear of death she must defy,
for the urge for Cocaine she just could not deny.
Then providence took a much overdue hand,
the serial killer was caught and in remand.
though eventually his sentence was for life,
she even felt so sorry for his wife.
The fear of death has certainly now gone,
but the hunger for the crack cocaine goes on. 

Author notes

JUDMC Option no 7

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • Ami
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    Wow reminds me of a few chics I know this was really good and had an awesome flow ! thank you so much for entering my contest and good luck -♥Amy♥


  • Dlvvanzor
    April 25
    Edit | Reply
    I loved the last two lines. Great write!

    Thanks for entering!
    -Dlvvanzor


  • Viyanna Rosemarie silver member
    March 27
    Edit | Reply
    thank you for this entry into my contest and i wish you the best of luck. viyanna rosemarie


  • poetic-enigma21
    November 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    great poem and a superb flow
    keep up the great work
    cheers
    shilpa

    • judmc
      November 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      poetic-enigma21

      Many Thanks for your kind comments on "Ladies of the Night" Shilpa
      so glad you liked it Best Wishes and Kindest Regards George ++++


  • GenUWinePoet
    September 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is a very good poem, and the rhyme I see is great til the end... I understand your not wanting to change it - but if you wanted a poem that rhymed continually - you could change the end to

    The fear of death has long since retired
    But hunger for crack continues to be my desire

    • judmc
      September 21, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      GenUWinePoet

      Re "Ladies of the Night Thanks very much for the Bronze Trophy
      whilst I understand and appreciate your helpful motives in suggesting altering the last 2 lines of the poem,if you look at earlier comments you will see that I have already altered these twice at the behest of
      previous commenters so I'm sticking with the status quo.I hope you
      understand. Many Thanks,Best Wishes and Kindest Regards George ++++

  • judmc
    August 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Ladies of the night

    how long has "on" not rhymed with "Gone"
    "done" certainly doesn't nor is it appropriate.I have altered the last 2 lines twice already at the wims and fancies of judges and I'm sticking with this
    version trophies or not Best Wishes George

  • MortalPhoenix
    August 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this. But the last two lines didn't really rhyme, I think it would be better as "but the hunger for the crack cocaine isn't done".

    That aside, this was a great poem. Good luck in the contest!


  • Bean Sidhe silver member
    August 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your entry & good luck!

  • annabel-lee
    July 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very good poem, love the details-paints a very vivid picture. also so sad, and even more sadly true. good write!


  • Avatar of Innocence
    July 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Line 2: not minni skirted...should be mini-skirted

    Line 12: comma after "serial" is unnecessary and is awkward

    26: "killer's wife"...


    Not exactly inspiring, but thanks for entering my contest nonetheless.

    • judmc
      July 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Avatar of Innocence

      Thanks for reading "Ladies of the Night" I have thoroughly
      overhauled it grammatically,punctuatively,and have managed
      to establish an equilibrium with the syllibles.I have
      "re-capitalised" it( to coin a much missused americanised
      word)and I hope you will find time to give it a second
      look.It wasn't written to inspire merely to dissuade
      young girls from emulating the unfortunates in this poem
      Best Wishes and kind regards George ++++


  • dustookie2
    June 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    A very descriptive narrative of events that some men and women must endure just to earn a living supporting habits they developed for what ever the reason....You have a easy flow and rhyme pattern Nice take on the prompt. Good luck in this contest.


  • raedium
    May 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Really good! The only thing that didn't quite flow to me was the

    "Caus’ the hunger pangs for cocaine
    She just couldn’t deny"

    I think it should all be one line. I took a natural pause between the two and it made me stumble a little.


    But I really loved the poem! It embodies that kind of lifestyle, it really does.

    • judmc
      May 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Miss Shakespeare

      Many thanks for your kind comments on "The Ladies Of The Night". you were absolutely right!!.I have altered the line
      to conform to your suggestion,hope you like it better now
      Best Wishes and kind regards George ++++


      • raedium
        May 7, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Your welcome! And I think it flows much better now. Perfect.


  • Psychotic Moon
    May 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Really good, this one is....I love how this is told, kinda from a story tellers view of a woman who is addicted and of murder. Nice write - Thanks for entering and Good Luck!!


  • Synthetic-Nightmare
    April 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    wow.....

    this is quite a powerful story and so true.
    It's sad that drug addicts who prostitute themselves are often the victims of violent crime and prey for serial killers.
    I often wish this world wasn't so cruel and harsh.
    Anyway, amazing poem, i love your detail and descriptions,
    good luck in the contest

    • judmc
      April 16, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Synthetic-nightmare

      Many thanks for your kind comments and good Luck Wishes on "Ladies Of The Night".Very much appreciated
      Best Wishes George ++++


  • Midgetbridgey
    April 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    good luck!

  • Eusebius
    March 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    bravo

    Well, this is certainly entirely too true, in real life a terribly sad story, very nicely and potently done here! bravo... bravo... bravo...


  • Celinda Luna
    March 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Good

    A very detailed journey full of imagery of ladies of the evening. Paints a very sad portrait but a common consequence for many of these "ladies". Good job.

1 - 23 of 23