Hypocrite

As I sneak from my apartment
and sit on a hard cement step
I ponder my reasoning for secretly doing
the same things that eat at me.
And my only conclusion is...
... im nothing but a hypocrite

Snearing and glaring
at the girl infront of me
who's too afraid to spill the truth
that she's gay
While I'm covering myself
because if they knew
they might reject me
for who I appear to be

As I choke and stutter
Trying to sputter words of advise
on how you should stand up and
put mouth to canvas
while I'm still kneeling here kissing your ass
Praying that God
wont let you see what im hiding
that secretly im crying
and dying
to bleed out the rest of my eternity
of doing nothing but..
...smilling.

And I can hear the words in the back of my mind
comming and going like the waves of the evening tide
Of how I'm..
..a hyocrite.

While the drugs that you always wish that you had
are sitting in a bowl lit in my hand
I'm busy trying to draw you away
from the little white pills that
tumble from my pillow case
and onto my side

Your telling me it's the only way to feel sane
while i tell you there are better ways
then waking up each new morning
still stuck in  daze
That last nights history
isn't even a memory

And I'm waking up to a new face
each and every day
And your eyes let me know
that your seeing
all the hypocritical lies
that I lay

My stomach turns and I continue
pouring your flaws from the mantlepiece urns
and closing my eyes and waiting for my words to come
soaring about my fears
my tears
my waisted 19 fucking years

I'm waiting for that hypocrite inside of me
to cease to exist
But as long as I'm trying to fix yours...
Mine will always live on...