Cut me up
Watch the blood flow
Dig in deeper
Cut into my veins
Watch it bleed
See if I succeed
See my scars
Hear my lies
Speak comforting words
Feel my pain
Watch me die
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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this is good hmm in a good sense this is haunting
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well i liked it...it exsprses something...something just feels right about it... maybe i no the feeling all to well but...no matter i liked it
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This has all the cliches in amateur poetry going against it. Like Fairies on Fire--x said, it's decent, but not original, and it doesn't capture my attention at all. Maybe this write was meant for you, to express yourself or whatever, and you don't care about actually being poetic or developing the .000000001% of a talent you might have. That's okay.
However, if you want to grow as a poet, try poetic devices like imagery and metaphor. If you show your readers your pain in concrete images instead of abstract terms (such as "love," "pain," "horror," etc, which everyone views differently and might have difficulty grasping exactly what you mean), you'll have an audience. Moreover, your poetry won't be so bland and ineffective, and maybe actually thinking about what you write and how you write it will prevent such overdone ideas & phrases.
-hiraeth
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This poem like all of my others is not meant to be read and liked they are all just me venting and like it says on my page I feel that I have no talent. I do not care if you find it unoriginal these crappy poems are the only thing that keep me from slitting my wrists.
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It's good that you get this out, then. Everyone has some talent, you know. You're not that bad of a poet.
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I don't know, I just get the feeling I've read this whole poem before. There's nothing wrong with it, the few rhymes you have are a bit awkward (bleed, suceed) but I'm certain both of us have read worse. There's just nothing sparkling and new in this. Nothing to make me sit up, pay attention and want to read on and on. Not bad, but not fresh, original, new.
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j
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