Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

My Room

In my catacomb mind
Faint voices are conceived 
Like the fabric of a moth eaten tapestry
My despair is weaved
Hoarse and unassuming voices
As the winds in some forgotten place.
The person I once thought I knew
Now without a face.

In this cemetery waking only…
no near to the sun or to anyone
existence is so lonely

“Lay within the shadow,
the corners of your stilted post. “

I submit.
Become the ghost.

“Will you lay me down in cotton sheets,
Put this existence to bed.
Rather sleep life away,
Then face the world instead.”

The voices quiet now,
as the darkness fills the tomb.
A dull murmur.
My resting place my room.









Don't blame me for wasting your time reading this...it was your choice.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • dead X serenity
    March 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I would rather sleep life away.. lately i've been having these crazy adventure dreams.. they are so exciting I always hate waking up. hmmm.. i love the poem i love the whole 'i submit. become the ghost." cool cool.


  • xXLifelessLindseyxX
    March 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this definatly wasn't a waste of time at all. i reallyed enjoyed reading this and i love the imagination you put into this as well. wonderful write.


  • Elenaliz
    March 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this wasnt at all a waste of time i really like it it has a wonderfull flow.i especially like this part,
    Like the fabric of a moth eaten tapestry
    My despair is weaved
    Hoarse and unassuming voices
    As the winds in some forgotten place.
    The person I once thought I knew
    Now without a face. super good write with a lot of depth.


  • nearlycivilized
    March 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    haha, I like your little "don't blame me..." quote. The poem itself is pretty good. I think you have quite a vivid imagination, and took an interesting view of your room. I will probably think about that when I go to sleep tonight
    Some of the rhyming seems a little forced, or just kind of okay. Like "In this cemetery waking only…
    no near to the sun or to anyone
    existence is so lonely"
    and “Will you lay me down in cotton sheets,
    Put this existence to bed.
    Rather sleep life away,
    Then face the world instead.”
    I think if you strengthen those stanzas, the poem will flow much much better. Also, on the last line "my resting place my room," you should put a comma after place.