I doubt you understand, but my destiny is planned
for this fly in the sky acrobatics gracefully eye
blinded by something floating about the same
speed my problems with
drama are more or less
free when flying,
more or less I need my space,
with clouds by side by side no one no one wonders why
understands at all planned freefall impossible
float above hospitals, patients' eyes patient, hope spreads it's wings
another on must have made it
white clouds persuade outlooks on life new,
while dark clouds make you look down, try and be thankful.
After all, I enjoy the rain, no matter what day, my place above the clouds assured, I'm gonna reach it one day, and stay. Yes, stay,
as I shed mortal coil,
my love is still upon the Earth so I long to touch the dirt.
Author notes
I fell in love close to the end. It's quite noticeable.
A contest entry
- Things With Wings Part IV by JustWhoIAm.
300 points, ended April 15, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I think that it sounded to rushing and some places need commas. Puntuation is importantion no matter what type of poem it is. It has to seem like a read final rft poem first then fixed as a rap after or whatever. As I always I love your understanding of cretivity. You all try to be openminded with ideas which is what makes one reader gets excited for.
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A round of applause for this great write...I liked the way you made words rhyme within the sentence...A great write, indeed. Keep writting Poet...Shalom
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I like it. It's very good. Much better than a lot of poetry I've read lately. (I've been having to read a lot of things my classmates have written. Ick...) Anyway... I like the flow and the wording. Nice work. And first new thing you've posted in a while.
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