Running through my veins
Faster than a though
Slower than a heartbeat
Slowing everything it touches
Slower everytime it destroyed
Even more pain as the second past
It was the only cure i could find
To forget who i am, nor who i was,
Maybe it was to prevent who i'll be.
Didn't care for a second
Minutes were too fast
Or was i too slow
I didn't know
Oops, here I'm falling
Down the stair
Never did they seems so short
But it was painfull
Crawling to the last of my sanctuary
One where i ruled like a god
Where pain couldn't win
Could only be
Not that time
I raised, only to fall
on something soft
Sure was wierd
Then went the darkness
I waked up
In a world filled with white
Sure was burning my eyes
Voices from everywhere
Destroying my ears
People i never met
Were standing to me
Watching too close
I wanted to talk, then i could not
One needle can in, another darkness
Another slow time....
Till time got back on track
Leaving me where i am
So much for a cure
Author notes
It just is what it mean. You didn't get it, not a problem, won't make much of a change
A contest entry
- Can you amaze me? by SpiceRack.
400 points, ended March 5, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anti-wordbank IV - Spiritual/Hopeful by Metaphorist.
600 points, ended March 13, 2008, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - --Happiness & Pillz-- by Disturbedmess.
600 points, ended March 27, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter your favorite poem that has no trophies by whispernthedark.
490 points, ended April 5, 2008, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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I believe your second line should be "thought"
Painful only has one L
Sure was wierd, should be "weird"
I waked up, should be I awoke, or I woke up
and you should capitalize your I's.
This is a great write, just a few grammatical errors. Thank you so much for sharing your favorite with me, best of luck in the contest.
♥
whisper
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i like poem, but im clueless as to what you are going for.....i can distinguish an option and there is no name in your AC. thank you for entering though
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wow...
lol...
that it just plain cruel irony... is this a sign?
great write and ironically, it had to do with exactly what i was thinking...
wow....
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well it's part of what is, and what might be, menawhile i'm just the average me
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ironically... that was also ironic...
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being ironic is a way to be too
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well, ive had too much irony for today, thank you very much...
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There were some parts of this that I really liked, specifically stanzas two and three. However, a couple things as far as grammar and wording are concerned: line 2 didn’t sound right- not sure if you meant to put another word in place of “though”, the most obvious being “thought”. Also, not sure if it is your style not to capitalize “I” but that really only works if you don’t capitalize any other word either. Well, I’m sorry for being picky but it helps for enjoying a poem if these issues don’t distract. Thanks for entering.
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Well i'm the one who is sorry 'bout thy different error, I,ll try to correct it, thnks for being comprensive
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..Hmm.
Interesting.
Good luck in your contests
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wow! i really liek the idea through this write. great job, and this is really sad
*hugs*
great job and good luck in the contests =)
stephanie -
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thnks, your so gentle to me
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not at all. lol. but welcies =)
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I asure you
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as i you =P
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