Picture her at seventeen
With weary eyes and battered dreams
Been twenty five since she was born
Lullabies don't do the trick
Never did, just made her sick
Been twenty five since she was born
Daddy don't sing her to sleep at night
So long little girl, no use to fight
For your devil eyed Daddy comes back tonight
(Chorus)
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Been twenty five since she was born
Fearing eyes and face so worn
Devil eyed Daddy on the hunt
Want what he take, take what he want
Fearing eyes and face so worn
Been twenty five since she was born
--------
Found her voice at seventeen
Sent Daddy for a jail bird sing
Been twenty five since she was born
(Chorus)
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Been twenty five since she was born
Fearing eyes and face so worn
Devil eyed Daddy on the hunt
Want what he take, take what he want
Fearing eyes and face so worn
Been twenty five since she was born
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Oh she'd found her voice at seventeen
Sent devil eyed Daddy for a jail bird sing
Got what he gets, gets what he got
(Chorus)
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Cause she's been twenty five since she was born
Fearing eyes and face so worn
Devil eyed Daddy on the hunt
Want what he take, take what he want
Fearing eyes and face so worn
Been twenty five since she was born
--------
Author notes
It's a work in progress I suppose
A contest entry
- It is better a man be abused than forgotten. [sam johnson] by Puking Faerie Dust.
925 points, ended March 21, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I too got the country vibe but I can take country. Mostly the structure and rhyming were good. Some lines were a little longer than others when compared to other verses and some of the rhyming was not perfect but like you said, it is a work in progress. I really like the repetition and how you have dealt with the subject matter in an interesting and unique way. Keep writing
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I thought this was interesting and creative, but it came off to be as more of a country/southern-style song and I didn't like that (I don't know, whenever I read lyrics I usually read them with some sort of music in the back of my mind, lol). But other than that, it was great and kept my attention.
Thank you for entering, and good luck
Jeanette*~ -
This was wonderful. When I read it, it reminded me of a country song and as i looked at the other comments i've seen you are a Belarus girl??? Wow. You did a wonderful job.
xoxo
pixie -
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Thank you so much ^_^
Glad you enjoyed it
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But WOW! Such English for a Belarus girl! Your schools are perhaps better than ours! I imagine your Russian must be perfect!
If you aren't familiar with Eleno I think you should make her acquaintance. She hails from Russia as well, but now lives in the Middle East. Like you, she is very clever and worldly.
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