As we walked down the road to who knows
what destination; you tell me it's about to
rain and if you should take me home now.
You're worried eyes know.
No, it's okay- I say.
I shake my head and take your hand and
you pull me a little closer.
We keep on walking.
Our shoes drag along the dirt of the road.
It was getting a little dark,
and the clouds were rushing in.
The air was thick with our thoughts
and the humidity.
The drizzling started.
Slowly at first then,
the rain water was hitting my head now.
Come on, lets hurry you said walking
a bit faster than the normal pace.
My short, uncoordinated, steps make
me a tad bit slow so you stop and
ask me to jump on.
On your back?
Come on! It's getting worse.
I climb on to you.
Hold on, love- And I do hold tight.
The rain dripping on my shirt didn't feel
great but at least it wasn't cold.
You were warm too, and muggy.
The sky lit up, a streak here
and all the way over there.
I shudder against you.
You don't seem to realize that I'm scared.
Or you might, but your breathing was getting ragged
so you slowed down.
Your car was just ahead.
So when I jumped off you again took my hand.
"Are you scared of thunderstorms?"
I sigh and say yes.
"Here then,"
He picked me up like a little child,
legs around your sides, arms over your shoulders.
and pulled me close to your face.
"Don't be scared, it won't do anything
to you while I'm around!"
I laugh, you laugh.
Nothing seems awkward.
Well, then you lean forward and tell me precious
words that make everything melt away,
fear, pain, sadness, anything.
Then you somehow worked a
kiss in during your small speech,
soft but firm in a way
but just enough to almost knock the wind
from my lungs and steal the only sane part of
my mind that was left.
Talk about intense,
But things had to end somehow.
For us it was him accidentally pushing
me against the car and slipping off and falling
into the mud.
We sat for a second staring but
he noticed me shivering after,
of course he didn't know it was from the kiss.
So he lifted me into the car and we
drove home.
Author notes
Guys,
don't hold my mistakes against me.
I can't help it too much.
Let me know though, kay?
A contest entry
- Our Story by SincerelyMegan.
475 points, ended March 10, 2008, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Leave a longer comment! I hate "I like it a lot!" comments.
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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this was so damn beautiful...
"Then you somehow worked a
kiss in during your small speech,
soft but firm in a way
but just enough to almost knock the wind
from my lungs and steal the only sane part of
my mind that was left.
We sat for a second staring but
he noticed me shivering after,
of course he didn't know it was from the kiss.
So he lifted me into the car and we
drove home."
-
....oooO
.....(....). ......... ......
......)../.. ...Oooo.. ..
.....(_/.... .(....).. .....
............ ...)../.. ......
............ ...(_/... .....
............ ......... ......
....oooO.... ......... ..
.....(....). ......... ......
......)../.. ...Oooo.. ..
.....(_/.... .(....).. .....
............ ...)../.. ......
............ ...(_/... .....
............ ......... ......
... I WAS ............ .
.......... HERE ......
-
awe
this is really cute. thought i was there for a momemt. good luck!
-
I'm in awe
It kinda reminded me of a journal entry of a love-struck girl. I really like how you don't have to guess at what you're writing about. It's simplicity at its best and it definitely works in this piece.
Good write, I hope to read more. <3
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Great imagery. I felt as if I were there. Sweet poem.
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i love it, its so cute
-
beautiful! simple and sweet. good luck!
-
aww, i like how sweet the situation is in here ^^
the simple words worked well for the flow
to go perfectly and all =]
good luck in the contests! n.n
-
As we walked down the road to who knows
what destination you tell me it's about to
rain and if you should take me home now.
I don't know if you did it on purpose but I like the way the lines drop into the next. Some people think it messes up the flow but it's the kind of thing I like.
There isn't a problem with long poems when every line really says something. You came close but there are some parts that don't. If you used more powerful words and metaphors it could have been summed up better.
There are also a lot of parts I really like
The air was thick with our thoughts
and the humidity.
and
from my lungs and steal only sane part of
my mind that was left.
even though I think you forgot the 'the.'
This was an enjoyable read and a great story.
-
I love it, lines 57 to the end were my favorite, very much a good lovey dovey poem
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Perfectly fine for the contest!
I really like how you told about
your fear of thunderstorms and how
a boy can just take it all away.
I wish this would happen to me :[
Good luck!
-
It has the flow of a story to it. As if you were telling us an actual event. It has interesting imagery and emotions running throughout the piece. The poor drenched soul who was afraid of thunderstorms caught my sympathy. Well done.
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I loved the mystery man asking you to jump on his back, so sweet! It was very very long, but very very worth it. =) I found this rather funny, because I myself LOVE thunderstorms, and the rain.
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