Let us dream, the two of us
Of strange or silly things
Of small and wriggling earthworms
With large and sultry names
Or perhaps the lonesome spider
Whose presence we detest
As he states his name and age to us
We'll stomp our hard and best
Now let us watch the fireflies
As they burn the grass and weeds
While making love on dandelions
Sweating stained glass beads
The curious little kitten
Who dips its paw in ink
As if to write it's story
Then nap in the kitchen sink
You and I do dream this
And ever so much more
So why's my love a stretch to you
You seem suddenly so unsure
Do dream with me again my friend
Of far off sea breezed shores
Where sailors battle terror
Then win but lose their oars
Please laugh with me again my dear
Don't call me funny girl
Will she dance our dance with you
Does she laugh and twirl
Or has growing made you too mature
To dream of dancing oaks
Must I burn my book of love
Its final page a joke
I'll say goodbye to you my love
Draw my curtains to a close
And Dream often of our funny things
Whilst she speaks of things she knows
A contest entry
- To Everyone Lacking Awards by Blooming Poet.
300 points, ended March 5, 2008, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Having read this lovely little gem- and the comments that came before mine- Let me say a few things...
First, there is NOT too much content. It is whimsical and dreamy- and isn't that the point? The confusion might be the age or life experience of the reader, not everyone is going to understand everything- The second comment about the phrasing, you can dismiss that entirely- is there a rule that says it must be phrased grammatically perfect and as an American would say it? Some of the best poets EVER have not only toyed with phrasing, but have actually MADE UP words, or changed the spelling/pronounciation to make words rhyme. So- don't get hung up in the small stuff. It all will hinge on the kind of poem your writing and what your trying to say- and how you say it. Let your mind wander around- landing on this cloud or that and keep writing beautiful poetry.
There are one or two places where the rhythm (metre) feels a little akward- but other than that, it is wonderful. I love this poem!
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stanza 4 and 8: it's ---> its
nice write
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This is cute. But to be honest it seems like there is too much content for one poem, its kinda confusing, but overall its okay in my opinion
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Thanks, I must admit I sort of agree with you
But I guess I still like it nonetheless ^_^ Most of it anyway
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This is extremely cute! Very well written (with one tiny reservation). This line: "We'll stomp our hard and best." Mmm, well, it makes it's point but doesn't sound like an American would say it! I don't really have a suggestion for it either. Maybe just leave it as is... it's kinda cute that way!
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