we kiss
in every room
spring flowers
A contest entry
- Love Haiku by Kelli Marie.
1000 points, ended March 6, 2008, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
sexy?
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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Aww, so cute. Must be a magical kiss, lol.
~Lia
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Magical
Thank you> GLad you found it cute and magical!
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I liked this Haiku...it conjures up images of a romance that is fresh and light...simple but has depth...good write.
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depth
What a lovely set of comments.Thank you very much!
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Sexy, yeah...but I agree with Ron; it's more romantic to me. The scents of spring are much like the fragrance of love in bloom. Ahhh, but a kiss is NOT "just a kiss"...it's an artform. Subtle & visceral. Congrats on your shiny. Wanda
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romantic
Thanks heaps Wanda. Lovely to get your comments and good rto know that it is a romantic poem. The kiss is an artform - i love that line!
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Well it is...& if it isn't, then someone is doin' somethin' wrong. 
You're welcome. And now I must bid you a g'night, Poet. It's way past my nightowl bedtime with a dayjob wake~up call.
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sweet dreams
Thanks again! I'll tell my gf that kissing is an art form; I'm sure she'll be interested in that observation.
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not your 5-7-5 variety, but poetry picked to the bones
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spring and romance go hand in hand.
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great job! congrats on the honorable trophy!
blessings *stomps
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this stirs you with images of whimsicle...a lovely thought of two people in love...I like this alot...
says much in so little...as for my ku...I like to think outside the box...I think you will find it gratifying to do like wise with your new gained knowledge of Haiku
congrates
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short and sweet with lots of imagination
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Young love in the spring....I could see the flowers...but closed my eyes while you were kissing, less is more..wonderful, thanks for sharing
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I thought the spring flowers part was way random at first, but i do like the idea of love blooming from a kiss, how sweet the thought, i think everyone loves succinct descriptions of love once in a while, and this does the job well. were it mine, i would capitalize We, I think, but to each his own, you don't have to change anything.
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Sweet words to explain the idea of love. Like flowers blooming everywhere, the feeling of love just keeps growing when one is in love.
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Sinply beautiful. What more can be said? Spring flowers, spring being the "season of love" so to speak. Really nice poem
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Yes, sexy. A fantasy of bloom. Well done here. Your brevity like your poetry is amazing.--Kel
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good. i'm trying to figure out if "spring flowers" is an action, and if it is, whether spring flowers in every room because of kissing or there is kissing in every room where spring flowers.
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Touch of class
8 or so syllables ~ good.
The deliberate ambiguity of line two in applying both forward and back is absolutely Haikuish and absolute compression for ultimate expression. Why would one not kiss in every room with flowers in every room? How romantic! It reminds me of the long stare in the 'Great Gatsby'. What is not Japanese but very English is the waltz rhythm. I like it. Sexy? No, romantic!
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ambiguity and compression
Hello there Lyndon!
Thank you very much for your expansive and intelligent reply. It's very kind of you. Thanks for the allusion to Fitzgerald - that makes me feel good.
Glad you find it romantic and so glad that you like the way the pivot works.
I've been told that writing haiku will teach me the value of compression, so it's awesome to see you use that word.
Have a wonderful day,
BJ.
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sexy!
great haiku, for me you have two pivotal lines, this works so well. -
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pivotal
Thank you Echidna! Glad to know you saw the middle line as a pivot. Haikumonk taught me how to do that with his many fine examples of the form.
Also pleased that you found this haiku to be sexy! That's so cool!
Have a wonderful day,
BJ.
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Oh, the newness of love. That is what this haiku reminds me of. New love is so exciting and desireable. I enjoyed this very much. Great job. Thank you for sharing in the contest.
Kelli -
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exciting
Thank you Kelli! I'm pleased you found this haiku to be exciting, in much the same way that new love is exciting.
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this is a VERY GOOD write + haiku congrats thanks for placing this on here so we can all enjoy it regards zaj
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enjoyed
thanks zyskandar - glad you enjoyed it.
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Sexy? Yes. It reminds me of making love in every room of a new home.
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sexy
thanks angel - for your sexy response.
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Very good I like it.
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Talloaks
Thanks. I'm glad you read it.
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ahhh... I like it. The middle line really brings great ambiguity... does it go with L1 or L3...?... lol. That's one of my favorte ways to write haiku. Very well penned... it's light.. it has a 2,3,2 beat feel to it which is the best in English... and a fine L3. Nice work.
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thank you
Hello there haikumonk.
This is awesome feedback from a haiku guru like you so you have really made my day!
I'm very pleased that my second line works in a pivotal way, as I've been trying to get them to work like that.
I'm very happy,
BJ.
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