I wrapped it in crepe paper,
daffodil yellow— the yellow that comes
bursting, full grown
from the drench of
April rains. Same color
that lays in wait
as I run in the drugstore
for a pack of cigs. Festive
climbing walls
with jesuses stretched out
this much
smoothed out the wrinkles, bunched
the top into a bow, lopsided
loops hanging like bunny ears.
Dressed it up in the pastel
of spring bouquets and infant
sleeping rooms; jaunted it
around like something other than
what it actually
is
all colors fade,
eventually.
Author notes
as always, open to suggestions.
In a list
A contest entry
- do you know your colour(s)? by Nicolette.
2200 points, ended March 23, 2008, 20 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PIF: Prewrites Contest for My Favorites by Night Hope.
900 points, ended June 13, 2008, 29 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
working on it, still.
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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"jaunted it
around like something other than
what it actually
is
all colors fade,
eventually."
Ahhh, Mel...Your colors shall never fade, no matter how often you send your soul to the cleaners. You are a rainbow without the storm; a flower without the thorn, my Friend. Thank you for entering my contest. Good luck, Sweetie. I shall now endeavor to outwit the webserver & applaud again anyway. 
Wanda
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The way you bring your thoughts out and spill them upon the pages is unbelievable. Your words flow like the waves of the sea, soft and smooth yet powerful. Thank you for sharing your words with me and best wishes to in all of your endeavors. Keep that quill dipped in ink and ever ready for use dear poet.
♥ Touchof1der -
"daffodil yellow— the yellow that comes"
Instead of using "yellow" twice, perhaps the second usage could be one of these words: variety - type - kind - sort -- or you could be brave, and though most would probably not make sense of it (perhaps not even you) you could use "ilk".
The last line, if you spaced it forwards about 17 spaces (I counted), I think, going with the line above it, it would make more of an impact; and also would show a sort of sly humor, in-line with the italic of this much.
I don't feel the "is" alone is good, I feel it'd work better along the line above it.
Other than those things, good poem, as always.
-Nam -
"smoothed out the wrinkles, bunched
the top into a bow, lopsided
loops hanging like bunny ears"
Ah Annalise. You KNOW how long I have waited for you to write an homage to becoming a Playboy Bunny. At last! Here it is! And how original -- you wrapped yourself in yellow crepe paper for effect! Wow! I bet Hef hadn't thought of that use previously.
In such yellow crepe paper, you were like so many other models "bursting, full grown" and then " jaunted it / around like something other than
what it actually / is"
I JUST KNEW that had to be how you would find the experience. Excellent choice of theme!
But isn't there a missing stanza about what life in the Mansion also is like? And where's the stanza beginning with the line "As I peered at the camera, my first thought was 'Yes! This is for you Monte! This is for you.'" That really would have made the poem extra-special.
SERIOUSLY, as with all your works, this is genuinely moving and quite a lovely write. I see it won a trophy, and such appreciation by others is richly deserved. Excellent piece.
. Rewarded 8
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Congratulations hon! More than deserving!!!
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Meli... this is stunning work
the story behind the words, lifts the colours from the page and into our minds
good luck in this contest
G.x
. Rewarded 4
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I loved the sense of colour and touch one gets from this poem. What a lovely and imaginative take on the contest theme!
I liked the way the title flowed into the poem even though the poem almost stands in contrast or rather how the poem shows the essence of the title (if that makes any sense, lol)! The last six lines did if for me... almost like an abrupt turn...the reality of what is and what was.
This is a very strong piece - I like it very much! Thank you for this wonderful entry.
~ Nicolette
. Rewarded 8
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Woo, ain't nothing faded here ... it vibrates with the colors of life!
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"the yellow that comes
bursting out, full grown
from the drench of
April rains. "
I have but one suggestion, my Friend. Write more often. lol. Good luck in Nic & Namita's contest, Sweetie. ~ Wanda
. Rewarded 4
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Nah, I don't see your yellow fading. It's always just as bright each time I read your poetry. I love what you did with the prompt, and the title on this is genius.
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wonderful sense of putting hands on things...colors and touch here are wonderful, and the eyes of the holder of this precious prize have their priorities in order...excellent...PK
. Rewarded 4
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You and me, should hang out... lol.
We'd be the new Easter.
Loved this;
"Dressed it up in the pastel
of spring bouquets and infant
sleeping rooms; jaunted it "
perfect. Your color is perfect
and unfadable hon.
. Rewarded 4
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