i am charcoal grey,
not scratched or bruised.
it didn't feel like a kiss,
crunched bones
And then he turned away.
the hand that was gripping tight,
danced around barbed wire
silence escaped my reddened lips.
wanting to run away,
and he held me up by the fishing wire.
Author notes
title inspired by the band because this is what it reminded me of.
i wanted to challenge myself with the word count.
no where near satisfied with this.
there are so many other parts to the poem, but i'll stick with this.
2nd march 08.
A contest entry
- he says I'm not sorry and turns away. by sweetpearl.
388 points, ended March 3, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
i have to say, this was very good. best of yours i've come across to date.
-
i am charcoal grey,
not scratched or bruised.
it didn't feel like a kiss,
crunched bones
And then he turned away.
loooooved that. but i loooove you wayyy more. =]]
-
-
:]]]!
i love you more more more!
<33
-
-
It reminded me of "He Hit Me (it Felt like a Kiss)" the beginning. I really like the last two lines ... something about fishing wire always gives me the image of abuse. It's such a strong tool to work with. Great job.
-
-
the whole contest reminded me of that song, although i don't think the beginning reminds me of it.
maybe i remember differently
-
-
I just meant it reminded me of the title with the kiss line.
-
-
-
wow!!!!!
this is amazing, i really like it alot, wonderful write, and good luck in the contest =)
stephanie -
-
thanks a lotl :]]
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
