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~Feeding Me Lies

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tell me one more sweet lie,
             [that I can lick
             from your fingers]
the dripping honey [of deception]
that I crave.


Will you feed me
            cakes baked from untruths
            and let me beg
            for the glamored crumbs
            [that are scattered
            around your boots].


Brush back the hair
from my face [that you stained
            with my tears,
            ones that weren't yours
            to spill]
and tell me that I'm perfect,
yet again.
Tell me you need me,
that I'm your best friend.


Will you stitch together
my bleeding heart
with barbed-wire strings
            [that you stole
            from untuned pianos
            that could only play
            the saddest songs].


You balanced our friendship
            [on the edges of razorblades];
            then let me fall.
            [You really pushed me
            over the edge.]
I am your game of dominoes.
            Do you want to play me
            one more time?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Image by mehmeturgut at deviantart.com

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 33 of 33

  • ten thousand cicadas gold member
    April 15
    Edit | Reply
    You're just so great at capturing the intensity of emotion. This one is so heartbreaking. Excellent.

  • Denierim
    April 13

    Edit | Reply
    I adore this! Beautiful, beautiful imagery and a very strong broach to the picture. I almost couldn't get past the second last phrase because of the beauty of it; I just kept reading it over and over... lol

    I have to say, this is one of the strongest of poems I've read in a while and it holds a lot of emotion inside. In all the sad truth of it, it really is a beautiful story of relationships that can go good or bad. It's hard to let go, that's a fact.

    You did a beautiful work with this; thanks for sharing it with us!

  • ten thousand cicadas gold member
    April 9

    Edit | Reply
    As always, gal, some awesome, really emotive images. Really enjoyed it!


  • whispernthedark gold member
    March 29

    Edit | Reply
    Powerful, I love this poem from beginning to end. This is a subject that is so easy to mangle, but this is really wonderful. I love the imagery you create, I can actually visualize this girl at his feet, looking up and catching the lies dripping from him. The line about crumbs at the boots is a standout. Thank you for sharing your favorite with me, best of luck in the contest.

    ♥
    whisper

  • Ryno
    March 10

    Edit | Reply
    I don't want to repeat what I've already said, but you know I love this. I forgot how amazing it is to connect to this piece and how much a could feel it.

    Thanks for the entry.

    Ryan

  • luna-midnight gold member
    March 8

    Edit | Reply
    WOW! this is aweosme, all the different stanzas were amazing and dscriptive. great wrod choices, and love the emotions through out i...great take on the pormpt and good luck in the conest!
    take care
    stephanie =)

  • loves-last-angel
    March 8
    Edit | Reply
    loved it !


  • XXx-ALI-xXx
    March 8
    Edit | Reply
    love~and i really liked how you used line spacing to create and effect, good job
    ~Ali<3

  • ShadowsAngel
    March 8
    Edit | Reply
    Aaawwwwwwww... I liked it a lootttt.

  • CaptainRedd
    March 8

    Edit | Reply

    Amazing

    This is intriguing, I loved the emotion and literary devices used. I think you should do well in your contest. I'd be surprised if you didn't.

    . Rewarded 4


  • Haunted-Memory silver member
    March 8

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    This is Excellent and portrays very well how a person can lie and be untruthful about feelings just to gain a sense of self gratitude. People who lie to make themselves look better than they really are should be cast aside from society and left to rot in their own self worth. And again an Excellent write (HM)

  • tarcus silver member
    March 5

    Edit | Reply
    Should you be writing from experience then one would hope that you are now in a better emotional state,
    the images portrayed and the feelings expressed are indeed very powerful.
    To be betrayed by a lover who was undoubtedly your friend is the worst kind of betrayal for me.
    loved the poem keep them coming.

  • a dozenglassroses
    March 5
    Edit | Reply
    This is awesome! Great job!

  • Uniquely-Scarred gold member
    March 5

    Edit | Reply
    all im saying is wow, the verse i higlighted
    is pure poetic genious, the whole poem is wonderfuly put together, god damn girl, you can write!!!!

    Will you stitch together
    my bleeding heart
    with barbed-wire strings
    [that you stole
    from untuned pianos
    that could only play
    the saddest songs].

    . Rewarded 6


  • Emotional-wreck
    March 5

    Edit | Reply
    wow this was really good.GOOD WORK ! I LOVED THE PART WHERE IT WAS LIKE -"You balanced our friendship
    [on the edges of razorblades];
    then let me fall.
    [You really pushed me
    over the edge.]
    I am your game of dominoes.
    Do you want to play me
    one more time?"
    NICE WORK HUN =]
  • carole21
    March 5

    Edit | Reply

    dramatic

    very dramatic write for the prompt . . well done . . liked "cakes baked from untruths" and "Will you stitch together my bleeding heart with barbed-wire strings" . . good luck in the contest

    . Rewarded 4


  • Ryno
    March 4
    Edit | Reply
    This seems different for you. I don't know why. Doesn't matter though because it is amazing.

    Nothing to ciritique; all so well penned.



    You balanced our friendship
    [on the edges of razorblades];
    then let me fall.


    loved your stradegy there, with the unneed [].. you know, it added like something cool and ivisible.

    This is Striking!

    Good luck!

    Ryan


  • nichtmich silver member
    March 4

    Edit | Reply
    Love the metaphor of sweet treats (lies) that you wish to be fed. The emotions ring true and as raw as a primal scream. Well done!

    . Rewarded 4


  • mysticstorm gold member
    March 4

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful in depth of emotions and metaphor...strong feelings flow from your words to the readers heart...leaving one to crumble on the floor from the pain...you have such a way with words...always wonderful and true.
    Thank you for sharing...
    Best!

    . Rewarded 6

  • Zyskandar A Jaimot
    March 4

    Edit | Reply
    GOOD LUCK in this contest very strong write very strong last stanza sincere congrats you did a great job thanks for sharing regards zaj

    . Rewarded 4


  • KitLynn
    March 4

    Edit | Reply
    Wow... That was just... Wow.
    Words can't even describe this. Very beautiful, and full of emotions that most keep hidden.
    Wonderful write!

    . Rewarded 4


  • PerfectImperfection
    March 4

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. This is such an intense piece of emotion. Something that I can truly feel... The imagery here is screaming sadness, while painting on layers of angst. Something I think many can relate to on some level, I know I can. Great write!


  • -myeyesareopen-
    March 3
    Edit | Reply
    great poem! I really loved this, delightfully dark.


  • Walking Oxymoron
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    Ok, poems don't usually make me tingle. This one did! My knees have gone all wobbly! Yeah, I really liked it!

    I liked the style of your stanzas, and how you used the imagery of objects. I liked how you could read the indented lined and not indented lines separately and it still made sense.

    I am your game of dominoes. I like it

  • crazymomma
    March 3
    Edit | Reply

    An amazing poem

    WOW! I don't know what to say except wonderful job. Thanks for sharing.


  • Crzytracey
    March 3

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    All I can say is wow. This is truly amazing. I loved every word of it. Great write, and I can't wait to read more of your work.

    . Rewarded 4


  • Elle Kaye
    March 3

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    What a wonderful interpretation of the image! This poem is really awe-inspiring. I loved every line of it. It's fantastic, well done.

  • grannyeri gold member
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    Wow - what an interpretation of the picture - really inspired you to write this wonderful poem. Great flow, creative use of space and awesome images this brings to mind. Marvelous metaphors and alluring alliteration - really a first rate write you have penned here. Very impressive.

    . Rewarded 6


  • And Hyetal
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    Holy...

    Frickin'...

    Crap.

    Now THIS is one of the best poems I've ever read. Hold the marriage with that other poem of yours, I've fallen in love again.

    Oh, and now I'm hungry.

    You
    will
    win.


    ~Cassie

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