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Once, We Were Wild

 

 

 

 

 

When sunset bronzed our eyes alight
at end of listless, leaning day
we paced and prowled the velvet night

Before our claws were filed away
shapes traced in black, we raced to meet
at end of listless, leaning day

Paws hushed through grass, and tapped the street
we itched to bound, and scratch the skies
shapes traced in black, we raced to meet

And brutal thoughts shivered our hides
before we curled on rugs to sleep
we itched to bound, and scratch the skies

Our voices howled in timbres deep
so fierce, the moon leaned down to see
before we curled on rugs to sleep

Once we were wild and almost free
when sunset bronzed our eyes alight
so fierce, the moon leaned down to see
we paced and prowled the velvet night

Author notes

Picture prompt:

"Higher In Time" by Dolore
http://dolore.deviantart.com/art/Higher-In-Time-38396413

First attempt at Terzanelle Form:

A first a
B first b
A second a

B second b
C first c
B repeat first b

C second c
D first D
C repeat first c

D second d
E first e
D repeat first d

E second e
F first f
E repeat first e

F second f
A repeat first a
F repeat first f
A repeat second a

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Denierim
    April 7

    Edit | Reply
    You took my breath away with this, and that's not an easy thing to do. This was the first time I saw this form being used and I have to say, for your first time, you did it like a pro. It flows so very well and shows such a beautiful story inside; it's like a movie really. And it holds so much of life inside. I just find this an amazing piece of poetry, and want to thank you for sharing it with all of us.

  • Ithica silver member
    March 30

    Edit | Reply
    First attempt huh? It has the finesse of expertise! You have reined in our reckless and wild natures, in a wonderfully ordered fashion... Excellent write!

  • Praxidikae
    March 27

    Edit | Reply
    This is a beautifully complex poem. I find it amazing how you manage to get across one single image with such clarity. Had I tried to write something like this, I would have drifted between imagery far more. Really very enthralling.


  • ten thousand cicadas gold member
    March 27

    Edit | Reply
    Exceptionally well done! You have brought a uniformity and flow of thought that is often absent in less skilled Terzanelle writing. Commendable! I love the mood of this and the shadowy imagery. Just thought this was fantastic!


    • Mallig gold member
      March 27
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for the wonderful comment, it means a lot!

  • Midnight-In-Tears
    March 25

    Edit | Reply
    How amazing! Terzanelle Form hunh? I thought something was ingenius about this....oh I know, THE AUTHOR!!

    Beautiful write, I do enjoy you and yours.


  • LadyLavender gold member
    March 23

    Edit | Reply
    I saw this so beautifully in my mind's eye. It ran like a beautiful movie within, where the young live and live and live.

    Gorgeous writing and form.

    Mallig great title for a book of poetry...wink, wink!


  • Reptile Lady gold member
    March 21

    Edit | Reply
    Brilliant !
    I do admire you for taking on this project in the poetical sense.
    You have written a wonderful poem.

    Julie

  • secberm
    March 21

    Edit | Reply
    Well done sister. Jeez, how's your backside? This form looks like a tough one to poot out! Had to think for this one huh? Write on. One.

    Dez


  • Peteskid gold member
    March 21

    Edit | Reply
    a lovely poem full of rich imagery and vivid description, then the form, a difficult one, the refrains here have a sense of needing to be repeated for emphasis and poetic enhancement... this is excellent...PK

1 - 10 of 10