such dark rings under my eyes
so filled with hatred an anguish
beaten down by promises
that have slowly melted to lies
something i never wanted to be
a person that someone always looks down upon
that's shunned away because their different
never a person you love to see
bruised an cut down your spine
an awful look but yet abundantly radiant
a Passion unheard off
but oh so refine
your one of a kind
just being oneself
getting by an living on scraps
your looking for something you can not find
the time well come
theirs just a wait
don't give up now there's more to unravel
it will be fine your already numb
don't look just walk away
you lose hope
when you see the scars on your face
my image has slowly faded an I'm still dragging along
to this essential day
an yet i still just keep walking away.....
A contest entry
- & that is the powerhouse of poetica [2.5hrs] by Ryno.
300 points, ended March 4, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
comment plz dont be harsh
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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amazing, love it!
-Jexxi- -
Yes, it is sad.
But there's so much beauty in it.
I llloooovvvveeee the words you chose, Josherzz
It's so outsider-ish.
It's so sad. But I'm serious. Regardless of the "typos" just look at the poem itself.
It's a piece of work, definitely.
I love the 4th stanza.
"your one of a kind
just being oneself
getting by an living on scraps
your looking for something you can not find"
It's like you're trying to make it, but it's so hard and there's not much to live by.
Life's some tough shit.
Kudos and I wish you all the luck in the contest.
Sincerely,
sarah ~
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thx sarah
an tell me my typos
i want u to
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i think waking is all we have anymore so many people look down on the poor or not well dressed but you don't need to pay attition to shit unless you step in it and if you do wipe your feet of and just go on
i really like this poem it tells me truth and not pretty lies
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sad but good wow is all i have to say amazing too gr8 work i love it and hope u keep it up.
xxx -
wow i love this poem! its just....wow i'm at a loss of words for how gd it is. well i'll tell u its sad but awesome. keep up the awesome writing!
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i'm sure you get comments that say "wow, this is fantastic," pretty often. alas, i'm going to be one of those.
i think it takes talent to write what you just did. i've been reading a couple of your poems, and you write some things that i couldn't possibly word right.
i'm impressed. exellent job, keep it up.
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well thank u an wich poem was it??
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oh, i flipped through a few. there were 3 besides this one that i particularly liked; 'drowning in darkness', 'what is hope?', and 'tears dry' reminds me of a thing or two i've written.
you're a great writer. really! -
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well thx i havent realy been told that befor i always thought of my self as a lower class writer
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dear, I'M a lower class writer. trust me.
your spelling could use a little work (which is fine, because not all great writers are equally great spellers). but i like what you have written and i'd like to read more of it. -
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well thx a bunch
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You may want to look into typos
I thought this piece can use some working with imagery and phrasing, etc
But besides that I really loved the intensity of the piece and the strong emotional content thats easy to related to and the beautiful little light of hope at the end
Wonderful job, thanks for writing
Ryan -
good write
second line i think its supposed to be and not an
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ah your great at ending your poems. Im not lol. I liked the rhyme scheme in here, A B C A.
I might use that
Anywho, great write Joshie
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Wow. This is really good. Sad and dark, it's a great write. I hope what ever mad you sad get's better soon.
Great write tho.
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I like this. It's really sad and expressive. Good work and I wish you much luck in the contest.
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