Let us bid farewell
to the salt of the earth
who toil in vain
to calibrate the waning hours
of serpents and suns
in the glowing reflection
of someone else's holy grail.
Time is waiting for him to forget,
forget that it was given to him,
as a gift from every ghost
who looked like an angel
that took his silver lining
and wrapped it in a cloud.
Chalices born from desire,
past from one to the other.
As the last one drinks
from the risen cup,
the tears of lovers
and the panic
from their restless dreams
sweep the streets,
and find their way
to his heavy load.
The kingdom and the power
and all the glory
are gone.
Gone with the ghost
who looked like an angel,
and watched as he toiled in vain.
for someone else's holy grail.
A contest entry
- sacrifices by Carefuldelusion.
850 points, ended November 14, 2008, 21 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites for my FAVES only! by perfectsunset.
625 points, ended August 18, 70 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 79 of 79
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Wow; such a distinct depth penned here.
The first stanza really gripped me in,
and the rest flowed into my mind
like butter. Such a treasure to read!
Best of luck & thanks for entering
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While survival can certainly be a harrowing journey, living remains a beautiful adventure, methinks. I believe you've a touch of Shakespeare in your own verses, Poet. 
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such a pity
such a pity that a masterpeice as such only had a bronze placed but in the hearts of those who read this they know it deserved more great writting keep at it - Laura Cousineau
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only the bronze well that is a shame as this piece is deserving more the gold that anything for that is the words i see
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Man this deserves more than bronze another excellent write by an exceptional poet ..its insight and imagery are spot on ..it also has a music feel about it a type of folksy blues ...good one poet
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WOW.
This poem is marvelous.
I am glad I chose it to read, as you've not anything new
, and Im caught up. For once. I love this write Liam. Love it love it love it.
So many thoughts, so fast the change, metamorphoses. Absolutely brilliant.
Love always,
Jin
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amazing!
and very breath taking... it was a pleasure to read what you wrote!
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Great job relating to the prompt, and you have use some amazing imagery in this poem. Thanks so much for entering. Blessings, Patty
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I was taken in by the very philisophical way this is written. It is beautiful. I like how you repeated the fact that it was Someone elses "Holy grail" It took a couple reads for me to understand exactly what you were talking about as far as sacrifices, And If I am wrong, Then so be it. It is a game of interpertation... poetry is. I love this, It is beautifully written. You are amazing with your words
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This read, to me, like a song. Beautiful and well crafted. The last 4 lines are some of your best words ever penned that I've read thus far. Beautiful, lovely, amazing!
Mylee -
I do not get it, Though it is very pretty the words.
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I really enjoyed the sequence of thoughts here. The concepts and philosophy behind "grails" are very well used to create a challenging read.
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and took his silver lining
and wrapped it in a cloud.
SUCH a pretty image.
I actually love the rhyme because it was done WELL.
nice write
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Astounding Write!
This was an amazing and breathtaking read for me. Thank you for sharing this, and the many other wonderful writes you have put on here. You are indeed a magnificent writer. You put astounding imagery into your pieces without lots of big words or trying to be extremely metaphorical. But when you do use large syllable words and metaphor it comes across very strong, but non threatening. You are a writers writer. Well done!
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this is nicely written. I like the imagery.
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Hmmm...
I'd have to read this at different times when in different moods, as it's not something I'd wanna analyse or attempt to interpret in a hurry... I am drawn to the flow and imagery which hits you straight away...there's an element of something mystical in the content, while at the same time an earthy humble feel, I can taste the soil, smell the sweat of human toil...in vain...!? nothing honestly done with the right intentions can be, a world given to us to reap and sow but now plundered and raped by a different breed of "angel"...oh man! I'm now contradicting myself against original intentions, LOL I don't know if I'm reading the true meaning, it's just how I see it, it's what makes it intriguing...it's an ode to the little man perhaps, or a tribute to the farmer who's heart is closest to the earth...anyway, it surely is something and worthy of comment and speculation, makes you think...
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Congratulations on the shiny chalice!!!
I absolutely love, love, love this poem! And I don't now how I missed it...
"and watched as he toiled in vain.
for someone else's holy grail."
Your muse knows how to perfectly tell the story of our sad humanity!!!
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Instant favorite. This rings Miltonish for me. Have you ever read Paradise Lost? This really reminds me of the last book. Love the subdued tone.
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Thank you for your entry
Again, the option number is missing for your author notes.
This sounds very bitter. A statement against God? or against those who called for His Son's death.
I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.
God Bless
Tammy
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this poem is a peach! i love the silver lining stuff. very inspiring. you have a nice unique style. keep up the great work! -Jamie
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Let us bid farewell
to the salt of the earth
who toil in vain
to calibrate the waning hours
of serpents and suns
in the glowing reflection
of someone else's holy grail.
Time is waiting for him to forget,
forget that it was given to him,
as a gift from every ghost
who looked like an angel
and took his silver lining
and wrapped it in a cloud.The kingdom and the power
and all the glory
are gone.
Gone with the ghost
who looked like an angel,
and watched as he toiled in vain.
for someone else's holy grail.
a realy wonderful poem good luck in the contest
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I can't quite find in this poem what I find so pretty or so alluring, but for what it's worth, you had me hooked from start to finish.
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Da** that was...
Wow the pen must have no resistance from your heart to the page. It flowed like the waters of a great fall. Catching a glimpse of the beauty it holds within and never turns and looks back. That was actually one of the best poems I have ever read on this site. I love the imagery you used and the overall flow to this was immaculate in its conception. -
I just so dearly love this one. Keep coming back to read it again & again!
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"as a gift from every ghost
who looked like an angel
and took his silver lining
and wrapped it in a cloud"
What a joy your writing is to read! I only aspire to be as great one day.
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Woohoo! WOW
Beautiful Write!!!! My favorite lines " The kingdom and the power
and all the glory
are gone." Just amazing! I love this poem!
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Nice imagery. I liked the chivalry aspect.
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Powerful! ***Pam***
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Lowell,you described my life with this. I admire the courage of you to write something that touched me. Thanks Lowell,my poetic brother.
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yes, the little man who goes about his daily toil is still left and forgotten at the feet of goliath and mammon.
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I am not one to feel inferior when reading someone else's poetry (my ego is my tragic flaw...) but this one managed to do this. It is absolutely indescribably impeccable and astounding. I am dumbfounded. It is beautiful. It actually made my skin start to crawl the way it does when I've heard someone sing with a eautiful voice. Please continue writing!
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a familiar background...the same people seem to enter all the time... <--kinda random
wow....i love it...everything about it...its..so...so...awesome...and...yeah...the awsomeness fo this pome has overpowered me -
this is definitly a wonderful masterpiece.. i love itt.. keep writtingg (:
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"Time is waiting for him to forget,
forget that it was given to him,
as a gift from every ghost
who looked like an angel" Those lines blew me away, simply stunning and on the edge of secrecy. This piece is exquisite. Somber and melancholy, and yet it glows from the page. Beautiful emotion. A masterpiece, dare I say so.
Bravo.
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Uplifting words of life laced together with the spirit of believing, nicely done, thanks for sharing
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a very strong piece. not much else to say. well done.
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It's a very nice poem and thoughtfully composed. I agree with another of your commentors. The correct word is vain ie; toiling uselessly or without success. Vein refers to a tube or a slender stretch of ore in a mineas you will. Good read though. Happy trails,
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my dearest friend,
i have been wrong the entire time...i was so sure...lol
i wanted to thank you.
I am so sorry i seemed so sure....vain is correct,
vein is in correct.
i knew you would like to know .
You are a gentleman and a scholar.
blessings
LOWELL POE -
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i have corrected that my good man.
LOWELL.
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This was an excelent read, I too toil hard in my veins and the pain of others finds it's way to add to my heavy load also. This to me was all about strong men who work hard for others and who are also sensitive and caring yet get little recognition. I think this was a tribute to them,us, and I loved it. Thank you,
Neil Stout -
Good Write
A highly symbolic figuratively couched and unrhymed
poem "gone with the ghost who looked liked an angel"
quite a strange characterization then there is no
orthodoxy in poetry.it flowed well good imagery was quite a good poem.Best Wishes George.
may I recommend For your delectation my story poem
"The Waife"or even "Little Girl" Thanks for sharing
your poem with me -
Cynical
Loved the image of the angel who took his silver lining and wrapped it in a cloud, and toiling for someone else's holy grail. Great descriptions of a restless effort thwarted by the non-angels in our paths. Great Write!
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Just read your spotlighted poem, and was deeply moved. An outstandingly beautiful piece, it nearly brought me to tears. I'm thankful for the opportunity to have read it.
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With the exceptions of a few of what I am assuming are typos, I have to agree, this is one of the most beautiful writes here on ap. BRAVO!!
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I finally got around to looking at this one, and I must say I am impressed by the imagery and diction. While it may not be what was in your mind, I see this as describing a farmer who spent his life, like his ancestors before him, working for someone else's benefit with no glory or recognition for himself. Lots of room for interpretation.
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Beautiful! I like the idea of someone elses holy grail! And i love the image you paint with, "as a gift from every ghost
who looked like an angel
and took his silver lining
and wrapped it in a cloud."
For some reason, the thrid stanza is my favorite. I can feel the heaviness of it so well.
You really are a remarkable poet.
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in the glowing reflection
of someone elses holy grail. I love these two lines. I thought they were very nicely worded.
the second stanza itself gave me chills. lol (good poems always do )
The imagery is wonderful.
Dani
I will continue to read your work as long as it continues to be so great! but I believe it shall never cease being that.
Oh and you left in a comment where do I get my inspiration.... I just wake up in the middle of the night with the urge to write. I never write anything worth while in the day time.
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wonderful
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Interesting poem. There is alot to it.
I would suggest substituting the word vain for vein.
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Intriguing!
This was an enchanting poem which
sparked intrigue and wonder.
Your creative imagery was filled
with mystery and appeal. Nice job
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This is a great poem. It has the power to hold the reader and give the reader a new perspective on life. I enjoyed this thoroughly and have no critcal comments! Great Write.
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I remember reading this piece (and being entranced) a couple of days back but being in a rush to get to work, and so I didn't have a chance to comment!!
This, in my opinion, is probably one of your most beautiful works in terms of imagery. The minute I started reading I was taken from my chair and hurled into a dazzling world of different precious colours such as gold, silver, then dying suns and golden snakes. "The tears of lovers and the panic from their restless dreams" a spectacular set of lines.
Every single stanza is packed full of vivid and stunning imagery and a nice mixture of language which kept the piece flowing like a river until the very end.
Behind the images, though, was a very powerful and effective message that involved the reader and provoked such empathy that I felt a crippling pain as I read the last two lines. Very powerful and very effective.
I like the way you started it, by the way, it really draws the reader in.
Keep up the great work
God bless,
ELW x
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Oh very nice, Lowell Poe, I should have known it was you when I read the teaser in the sidebar
Very very fine.
Thank you.
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Awesome. This poem makes me feel frustrated for the ones who work for someone else. It really emphasized that feeling well. I really liked your imagery of the ghosts looking like angels, as if in disguise. The title also fits very well with the poem overall. Nice work!
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Quite the title - grabs one's attention. Liked the flow and the images this brings to mind. Very fast paced, some great rhythm and rhyme as well.
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This is awesomeness write, very breath taking and beatiful.
"Time is waiting for him to forget,
forget that it was given to him,
as a gift from every ghost
who looked like an angel
and took his silver lining
and wrapped it in a cloud." << Loved this
I hope you do well in your contest
Noir xx
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excellent expression
Your words take the reader on a very visual and mental journey. I especially enjoyed the second stanza.
Good luck in the contest!
Ethereal One
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WOWEH. . . THAT ALL i GOT 2 SAY
WOWEH iTS SO BEAUTiFUL -
sweet and beautuiful. Your emotions came out very well.
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Sweets
this is very beautiful, the flow of the poem is very fast-paced for me but i enjoyed being on the edge of my seat. The more I read it the more I feel like i am in the middle of a tornado trying to understand what I see between the clouds. this is just like love, a thunderstorm converges in your heart for someone and the lightening starts a fire that only your rain can put out.
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that was amazing. I enjoyed every aspect of this poem
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Interesting, even through i liked it, seems to be missing something, but in general it's good work
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Powerfull!
An amazingly strong write my friend.
Thank you for sharing!
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The only thing I could find in your poem was some spelling errors, but other than that it was brilliant as always..Blessed are the Meek for they shall inherit the Earth. Niaish.
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perfect!
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Wonderfull
Amazing.. I really love this..
And the way you have written it in..
..It's just amazing...
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still.......
LOVE THIS!!!
I'm making you some shoes -
Nice
I really like the lines... "every ghost who looked like an angel and took his silver lining and wrapped it in a cloud". I would have used a semi-colon instead of the second and but it is fine this way. I do wonder if "vein" in line 3 and next to last lines is spelled this way as a metaphore or should be vain. Nice poem. Thanks for sharing.
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simpleunderstate ....very touch.. it pull heart string..thanks for sharing
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NOW THIS IS POETRY AT ITS BEST GREAT RHYMN, RYTHMN WONDERFUL EMOTION, I TRUELY LOVE THIS PIECE ITS BULGING WITH POETIC DEVICES METPHOR SIMILEY ETC AND THE EMOTION IS DRIPING WITH EVERY WORD, WONDERFUL WRITING!!!!!
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Simply beautiful. Thoughtful and elegant, it really catches your emotions. Gripping.
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W0W
An empty and hollow feeling is flowing from your pen my Brother...Ones hopes and dreams should never be based upon another, yet with in the heart there does lie a place longing for acceptence, even if just from ones own self.
Time given to him yet wasted following others...sighs...I feel your heart*love*
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Very interesting poem you have here ~ wonderfully written...
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Speechless!!! There's a lump in my throat...
This is surely the most powerful poem I have read from you, how ingeniusly you interwove the "Truth" into rhyme... I felt like the poem was a sigh of despair from somewhere deeper within... As always, I was encapusulated by your words and my day is much richer for having digested them... Take care my brother (my Grandfather was Irish-American...I never knew him though, wish I did...) May God shine upon you each and everyday my friend Daniel X
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Incredible
This was much different than anything I've read from you thus far, and I will say it was amazing. You left me ALMOST speechless.
"Let us bid farewell
to the salt of the earth
who toil in vein
to calibrate the waning hours
of serpents and suns
in the glowing reflection
of someone else's holy grail."
Were fantastic lines.
I've thought on this often, if we seeking someone else's holy grail as you so eloquently put it...
This was amazing, keep it up.
Hope all is well Brother,
Brandon -
Oh Yeah
Me likey! A real good strong male you got here. I love him, absolutely love him!
Yum
Creatress
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Oh, my, I think this is the first poem I have read by you that does not seem to be uplifting. It isn't really depressing, it just makes me think really seriously about what I am working for in this life. It's very thought-provoking, as true great poetry should be. And may I say, if this was meant to have a certain darkness to it, you did fabulous on it. Regardless, I love the poem. Bravo, once again, dear friend.
Rising to the heavens,
Soshoryu
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Wow, this is truly incredible. Breath taking. The imagery is so pure and amazing, "waning hours of serpents and suns", and "took his silver lining and wrapped it in a cloud."
This very deep too...it keeps echoing through my head.
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~
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