tomorrow she would be gracious,
from east to east the stars would pour out like a ladle
filling the blue canvas with hope.
quiet are the days that went,
the future marked in scarred hands.
we were left to make amends.
but the lines of reality and what was once real,
blur.
and there she was lost in this city,
the stars split across the sky
and she was just waiting.
Author notes
orginally the second half was going to be another poem, but i decided it was too short.
1st march 08.
this is missing a lot, but meh. :|
i need to change the title.
enjoy love <33
A contest entry
- Did you feel her? by girl shaman.
900 points, ended March 13, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - May the best poem win. by cover fire hero.
600 points, ended April 28, 2008, 55 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Beautiful picture you painted here. Seems to me about lost innocent or something similar. Thanks for sharing.
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-scratch what i said about the other one [red background] being best. this is even better.
-one suggestion. cut this line:
if you could even call it that.
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i actually agree.
that bit just seems to be thrown in.
thanks!
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wow. you have some amazing lines here. great lines, sharp imagery and a beautiful writing style. I love the first few lines- it paints such a bittersweet picture. this is just the right length and one of the nicest pieces I have read so far. great job girl!
love,
char
*thanks for your awesome comments. loved reading them!
*
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this is beautiful...from beginning to end. gahh. i don't even know what to say...i don't think it's missing a lot. like audri said, i think it could be added to as well...but it's beautiful like this just the same. your words created lovely images and audri's right...it does just roll right off the tongue.
ily.<33
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i dont think its missing alot; it could be added to but honestly its just beautiful! i wanted to wait to comment all the entries till the end but i needed to tell you that the beginning line was..just perfect and had such a beautiful feel to it; it rolled right off my tounge! thank you so much for entering
♥
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