Ryan,
tragedy looks invisible
and
my hands are too cold
to be outstretched
forever
it's time for you to see
--
down below
innocence drowns
in the mourning rain
children of man
never learn
that skies can hear
optimistic attempts
to escape
and all loneliness turns dark
and we'll all fall down
and break
on
the gym's concrete floor
but I just wish
they'll stop flooding it
with the rhythmic bounces
of reality and
tears
--
I wish we could
dig your childhood
back up
but then you'd
just see her clean face
swiftly content
and want to touch her cheek
vengefully
ever so gently
and you'll just wip off
the sadness and insecurities
on your hands
-Deepest Sympathies, Hades
Author notes
When Amber, my friend in Grade Six died, I believe that I had to grow up a lot that week. It was when I can say I actually began my life through death.
Prompt: Oxymora and grief.
Prompt #2: Write something that relates to telling someone how you truly feel. Could be to God, could be to a parent (maybe you are telling them that you are in love with someone of the same sex, that you are getting married, that you are pregnant) or maybe even a confession that you can't tell anyone, so you tell it to a priest/rabbi or whoever your guides of your religion are.
A contest entry
- unusual prompts.... hopefully a challenge by Dienush.
850 points, ended March 15, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter All Your Dark Writes Here (Series - II) by xxRainbowDawnxx.
1500 points, ended March 27, 2008, 95 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Things You Never Said... by xxRainbowDawnxx.
700 points, ended March 18, 2008, 26 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Shoot.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Beautifully written here, so strong and emotional. I loved your choice of words, so visual and perfectly placed, made me want to cry though. I think that you do have to grow up a lot when someone passes away, because you see how the true horrors of life truly can take something precious from us away. I hope you have some comfort though. Keep writing, it helps.
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This is so beautifully written, I can literally feel the sorrow and grief coming out of this piece of writing. I absolutely love the last third of it, the imagery is just fantastic. On the other hand, the idea of a letter from Hades to you seemed a bit strange, but I don't think it exactly dragged the poem down... anyways, this is a beautiful piece.
-cassidy
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My poetry tends to be weird
thanks for the comment.
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Wow, I really like this... The three parts sounded like perhaps different perspectives on the same thing. The imagery is creative and intense. I can definitely see a lot of grief here. Thank you for entering.
~Diana -
on
they gym's concrete floor
they - should be the
Other than that,
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Terrific
Very nice job of editing. Really enhanced the work. Good luck in the contest. -
Excellent
What a powerful and poignant verse. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feeling in this work. Best of luck in the contest.
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Okay finally, I'm done my editing; major changes
Thanks for the comment
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