windows down at 3am
as i drive 65 mph
down a relatively empty freeway
the radio is on
but i can't hear it
over the thrust of wind booming
a bitter cold breeze
thundering in the cab
pelting my face, making my pain clear
it stings but i don't notice
my mind is lost on you
questioning why i'm doing what i'm doing
i'm sober but i'm not
acting of a clear mind
i shouldn't be driving and i know it
we talked of a relationship
that holds no comitment
just of us being happy and being free
but i'm not sure that
i can live that way
letting freedom let someone else touch you
half way to your house
i catch myself drifting
coasting down a dark corridor of pavement
poorly lit cement walls
reflecting my empty thoughts
i should turn around and go home, but i won't
A contest entry
- Give Me Your Heart by SchizoChic.
600 points, ended March 20, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Nice poem. Best of luck in the contest.
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Very nice indeed. I like this alot.
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Very good....it is scary when you think about what it is you have to give up to be with that right someone. Yet it is the person you find that allows you to be happy and makes you happy that you are find in true bless. Well done.
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Sentiments well expressed in these lines - one can feel the uncertainty you feel, wondering if this is the right thing to do. Do think it is kind of wordy - too many I's, my, I'm etc. Think with some editing this could become an excellent poem.
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heh i enjoyed minor suggestion - realize CAB is the proper word and yet it reads/sounds like a taxi-cab - dunno if anybody else thought/felt that? poem aside from that minor 'pickiness/hiccup' on my part was STRONG - VERY ON TARGET GOOD JOB good title interesting opening vg ending thanks for sharing regards zaj
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