The egg -
A metaphor of perfection.
Gentle foetus contained
Within alluring shell,
Expectant under loving warmth.
A contest entry
- The Red Wheelbarrow by AJ Morelli.
1500 points, ended March 17, 2008, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
like the simple, compact description, "Gentle foetus" and the last line most evocative for me.
i feel like this piece might be stronger if you didn't explicitely tell us that the egg was "a metaphor of perfection." you could maybe convey that concept with "the egg- perfection" of something of the like and leave the metaphor imbedded, not needing to be named.
nice concept though. like how you look at something "commonplace" we take for granted and bring it into sharp focus so we can see the beauty - and in a sense perfection - of it. -
Due to the large number of entries, I won't be commenting on each piece but will certainly be reading and rereading them all. I wanted to thank you for your entry here, I hope to have the contest judged fairly soon...
al


