I've seen it, you know,
the swirling bottom of the vodka bottle as it hit the concrete wall
me, Stumbling and falling through life, drinking and fucking, who cared
not I.
a haze of memories, a blur of old names, the hint of a song then nothing
seconds tick past and the memories fade into oblivion
drugs to make me feel better? No, pills to make me forget
and then I fell over, I toppled from my pedestal, I was king
I was the strong one, the reliable one, the helpful one,
only I knew that on the inside I was crying, no dying.
Yes then I fell over and it hurt, it fucking hurt
and I was scared, really fucking scared
I had faced death before and know that horseman doesn't hold fear for me, anymore
but this was something different, no control, no nothing, I was cold to the core
A week or so I watched as the world turned
laying in my room, listening to my heart
waiting for the pain, hoping it wouldn't stop
I watched the clouds floating high
I watched the ants on my window seal come and go
I even threw them crumbs so they would keep me company
all of the time waiting, waiting to feel something
they sent me to a doctor after a while she crushed my soul
she told me that I was depressed (no shit) and that
I was abused as a child, what...
did I hear right...
What...
that was two months back, and I am forty-two
there is only one reason I share this with you
you wanted to know and you asked me how much
well I don't know yet
is this enough?
Author notes
ok...so I finally wrote about the real me because of this crazy fucking prompt, but okay, its done and I feel a little relieved. So thanx for that. It is a blur and a little out of context, but two months down the line I am okay with that.
I have not drunk in 66 days
No drugs (except for prescription) and am using this one chance to get some therapy.
My work has emproved
I started writing again...(no shit)
I am respected in my vocation
So can you turn the corner and is the grass greener...
fucking right it is...
To all that know me sorry for the poor language...
Simon
A contest entry
- Giving up, Finding hope, Give it all! by darkhawk.
450 points, ended March 2, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Whatever you like...
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Breathe Simon....
You always leave me breathless, since the moment we have met. For any number of reasons, this one here though was so rushed with energies, pushed through thoughts, disjointed and frantic...I can barely breathe. -
you need to have some better emotions but its still goo with me
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hey
wow so far that is one of the best poems in this contest the flow is a lil off but the words and lines the imagery and way it was written is wonderful a bit of a suggestion though if u dont break up a few lines were the commasa r make it a new line and also dont apologize for the words that came to you to write something amazing sometimes you gotta step out of the normal to find sumthing amazin
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WOW!!!!! I found a lot in this one, that I am not sure I was meant to...
You know, as I was reading this, I had this feeling of De' Ja Vue... Parts of it sound very simular to my story, and others I know. You did a great job on this one. I hope that you are doing ok now.
I only wish, that could be real...
Best of luck in this contest!
Nevermore~
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it brought tears to my eyes and I just wanted to give you a big hug. you are and always will be an amazing person and you touch my heart so many ways
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This brought tears to my eyes as I reached for the bottle again. A tear runs down my cheek as I read of your pain....I'm here. Always.
Ever yours,
Miley -
Well Simon you have beared your soul here. My heart goes out to you for the pain you had to endure to get to where you are today. But now you can move forward and be happy and think positive. I know there are days I think of giving up but then God taps me on the shoulder and says, Where do you think you are going?
Thank you for sharing your heartfelt thoughts. It does help to bring them put in your writing and helps others to know they are not alone in their pain and anquish. Bless you my friend. Take care, Sandy 
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