Outside the station tearoom
window
a green steam engine
trundles in
as the kettle boils.
A contest entry
- The Red Wheelbarrow by AJ Morelli.
1500 points, ended March 17, 2008, 47 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites Mania by Celticmoon.
450 points, ended March 30, 2008, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Short Poem Frenzy! by ShadowsMidnightRose.
1050 points, ended April 16, 2008, 71 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Short Poems' Wanted!! by SignifyingNothing.
450 points, ended October 19, 2008, 123 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Depth of Simplicity by SoulfulBubbles.
400 points, ended March 6, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
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Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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i love your style.
hey write some more? -
I love it for its simplicity. once again it is what it is, a still life ( in motion) . the reader can take it anywhere or not.
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Nice. Does indeed bring to mind Walt Whitman and his Red Wheelbarrow. I think you did Morelli's contest justice, and I can see why you won an honorable mention. Great images in this. A nice succinct write.
Thanks for entering and letting me read it! -
This was really sweet for it to be as short as it is
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Great imagery, very well expressed.
Congrats!
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Sneaky Great
I entered this to try and learn how to write big little poems. This really resonates.
Honestly, I read it too fast. My first reaction was, "and?" But just like that, {snap} my mind had storys for the station manager, that woman on the train, the weather...
Color me schooled, and impressed.
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Wonderful imagery~ congratulations!!
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Due to the large number of entries, I won't be commenting on each piece but will certainly be reading and rereading them all. I wanted to thank you for your entry here, I hope to have the contest judged fairly soon...
al -
I am reminded of Pound's Metro (which isn't ever a bad thing for the poem is nearly perfect).
Something about "just as the kettle"
takes it from a direct Reader experience to more narrative, and it sort of jars me from the experience.
I know the contest has strict requirements for word count but I think:
Outside the station tearoom
window
green steam engine
trundles in
the kettle boils.
For this reader, makes it both a very imagist poem and also presses the two things: the train and the kettle
into many emotions. like WCW wheelbarrow things do.
But that is merely an opinion offered. I enjoyed this pome. Thank you. Good luck in the contest.
Lisa
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Interesting
The images are vivid and inviting
but it leaves you wanting so much more.
Also, I couldn't figure out what the
emphasis was on, the green steam engine
or the entire experience itself.
Still it was an intriguing write
with plenty of style
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such a wonderful entry for a contest the green steam engine wow so nice
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Dear poet, apologies as I am usually analitical but miss the metaphor, though find the imagery and presentation pleasing I know it's not missing darjeeling that causes ache, all I sense is the waiting and the whistle stop. Loved the imagery of the green steam engine, am privilideged to live near to where the old steam trains run along the timeless tracks of yesteryear, before my time, they huff, choo-choo and climb into today with a welcome plumes of steam.
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once again, stripped to the bare essence and paints a perfect picture in miniature
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this has many layers for me.
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good job, this is really a poem where every word counts.
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I liked this alot, thanks for sharing
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good luck with the contest very good entry 'trundles' great word thanks for sharing regards zaj
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i like this, the words used and the images are great however, im lost once again in your intresting use of metaphor and i can't work out what its about, some help please alex?
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I like the way you whistled wise.
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Thanks very much.
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This hurts my brain...
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Is this good or whazzed crap?
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if i only had one, i'm sure it would be smarting too.
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Hehe, special brew should help.
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