If men were angels we'd have no need for order;
there would be
no chaos
nor fear
nor border
If men were angels we'd have no need for justice;
there would be
no remiss
nor mischief
nor malpractice
If men were angels we'd have no need for war;
there would be
no threat
nor brutality
nor score
If men were angels we'd have no need for government;
there would be
no arguments
nor disputes
nor disagreement
no black
nor grey
nor descent
into human ways that require correcting;
no threshold
nor deviance
nor venomous sting
of malice or abhorrence in any design;
no hot
nor cold
nor swine
to which we would throw our pearls;
no hate
nor dishonor
nor bloody swirls,
stories of which the Sun in sombre tells;
If men were angels.
Author notes
The premise for this poem (if you couldn't tell) was a quote by James Madison (1751-1836), "If men were angels, no government would be necessary."
That is to say that I agree with your view of Anarchy wholeheartedly; the fact that it should be about being free and answering to yourself; however, as humans we can't rely on other humans to be inhuman in their tendencies. Either way a system will rise to get the pendulum of society swinging, whether it is a positive or a negative one. I guess it's better to have a positive system with some drawbacks than a negative system with huge detrimental effects.
Having said that, keep an open mind and enjoy!
Update! Since the contest ended I made a few little changes that I think go better with the proposed form, rhyme scheme, and help to further represent the fallicies created by corruption in government. I changed lines 11-15.
A contest entry
- What it's really about - Anarchy by Megan Awesome.
550 points, ended March 25, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Do you think the form caused me to sacrifice anything in language?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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An excellent, well versed composition--Great flow of the rhyming verse--Well Done and congrats on the Silver!
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Why thank you :]
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I'm not sure if I want all men (women) to be angels because I've devoted so much thought to a lot of the things you mention we would not have to. I think if we were angels we wouldn't know what to do with ourselves, but I thought the form of the poem was quite interesting and different.
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hmm...
With all honesty, I kind of think the form did cause you to sacrifice with this poem. Only in parts did it seem like a poem, most of it just felt like a list. I've at least read it ten times to get past that and I could not. I felt as if you diction struggled a bit in this poem being compared to your others, I'm not sure if the form caused that or not. I also think I would probably switch the last words in line 11 and line 13. The two previous first lines to stanza one and stanza two end with a nounish catagory, and I felt armies was just more of a noun. Upon reading its branches, war seemed like it would fit the nounish catagory criteria. Of course, that is just a suggestion, if it was my poem i would probably rebel not to change it. However, I do like the phrases that the enjambed lines have...line 24, 28, 32, 36. I also feel the biblical reference dealing with throwing pearls to swine is excellently placed in this poem, it fits well. I do agree with the message of the poem, especially what you said in your author notes. But about the all the negativity, its probably because i am usually proned to like poems that are not list-like. Sorry I tore your poemity apart. -
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Yes I was afraid my diction would suffer; however, the form I felt was more important in this poem being that it was in itself about why we need order and form, the list structure very evenly and methodically making all necessary points clearly while supporting that and the poem's main thought and purpose with its very makeup. I tried to keep my syntax and rhyming schemes, though a bit shallow at some points, based on complex mathematical guidelines, just as government and order in general must be complex to include and account for the many fallacies of man, even though government and order in themselves still falter, just as I did with sticking to my own guidelines.
Your point about lines 11 and 13 is well taken, in fact that's how it was originally written. On a whim I changed it while also changing around the formula I was using for the structure of the poem, failing to go back and recheck. I'm sure if I had I would have seen that war fits there better as an abstract noun than its concrete noun replacement. This would have enhanced the meaning and unity of the form and what that means altogether. I'll go back and change it later once the contest is over.
I also realize the rhyming scheme is a bit unorthodox and thus hard to decipher or find the right stress points, but the same could be said about 7/8 time signature in our culture when others dance, play, and sing naturally in it. If anyone's curios the rhyming scheme is supposed to be as follows, though the poem falters a bit in this, kind of like government does in keeping order.
A---A, B---B, C---C, D---D
--DE, --EF, --FG, --GH, H.
Dashes denote lines that aren't supposed to rhyme.
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nicely put. we just have to put up with the best of the bad. seems once in to the power of government a person changes to the worst animal around.
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Great write! Problem is, we're not angels. Look at any country to figure that out.
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Then you got exactly what I was going for :]
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I love this! It really describes what I think as well. You used very beautiful words. Any yes, this IS how I look at anarchy. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck!!!
Love not war
Megan -
I was thinking about entering this contest, but you pretty well hit the nail on the head! great poem, you're my favorite to win
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