Of course I had my hand on that clock
like a judge calling order,
stepping through routines like memories
and cursing those at the top of the steps.
I let a white dove fly,
eaten by the snake around my neck.
Alone and unbecoming, I tried to explain life
but words fell like feathers on my own deaf ears.
Try to catch me, I ask you,
but first you need to know where I’m coming from,
some magic bus in the wild, some useless martyr’s grave,
all for the sake of telling you
that I haven’t learned anything.
A contest entry
- 5000 points winner takes all. Easy stuff. by Nogod.
5000 points, ended March 3, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Silence.
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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A moving day, in other words, from here to there, but not really ending up where you wanted to be. Metaphoric in nature so we can assume what we like. Your yesterday was spend in transit.
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Nice. It was emotional and deep. I was slightly confused by the metaphor of the dove and the snake. But that is just me. I think your poem was well and effectively written. It drew me in. Well done.
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The imagery for this is great, I was fascinated as to how well you pulled it off
Great Job on this poem, even though I had to read it a couple of times to understand it but it was well worth it!!!
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metaphysics of the void
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nicely written and i like the images you placed here ^^ although, i don't understand it fully, i'm impressed that there seems to be a unique streak in your write n.n
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I'm not sure that I understand all you've put in to this write. Routines are memories, I saw those at the top of the steps as fellow commuters? The snake around my neck is a vivid image but I'm not sure of the intention - amulet of protection, or aggression? Final line first stanza is great, final line last stanza is how I feel now - a little confused, having witnessed an event that remains inscrutable.
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That's exactly what happened to me a few days ago, just with a little more metaphor involved. I really don't enjoying spoiling my work by making you think what I did when I wrote it, so I just ask you to ask "why?" and "what does it represent?" to what you don't understand. I appreciate the comment, and most of the time I'm a little more understandable. :-)
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Nice!!
I thought you did a good job on this, and I enjoyed it. Good luck in the contest!!1 -
Wow!!
Now this is one Powerful piece You have penned
The energy and the images stun my Mind~
but that is how I like it, line by line
syllables imbed and feeds the message through
The metaphors weave around my conscience~~
Oy!!
Keep that quill dancing...
Thank You for sharing Your Talent and Spirit~
Many blessings to You in the contest Sweet Soul
Best wishes too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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Oh I liked this. Powerful ending especially. Good luck in the contest.
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Niely done. A well written piece of poetry. I enjoyed the read very much. I hope you do well in the contest.
Good luck.
Kelli
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