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Death's Wife

Ruby snow itinerating over these hills,
enclosed in my domineering mind,
creating the illusion of anguish.

Draped by my congregating minions,
composed of pure malice,
emanating from the world below.

A place from which I cannot stand,
but only kneel,
for fear of losing my decrepit soul,

To those heavenly worshipers,
deceiving their corroding hearts,
with their self preservation and unrelenting conceit.

Who gingerly branded my icy pearl arm ,
banishing me to the eternal night,
where I live in serenity,
as death’s picturesque wife.



Author notes

Prompt-
inspiration is provided by the picture

A contest entry

Please critique my work if you feel this needs improving

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • leander Moderators member
    March 27, 2008

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    This is quite a dark poem that you have written here, but I did enjoy reading it. You got some interesting imagery captured inside those lines - especially 'Who gingerly branded my icy pearl arm' jumped out to me the most

    thanks for this entry, and good luck to you!
    Leander


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    March 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like your imagery here, it's the most prominant and prompt thing here in this piece. I also like the several uses of colours in this piece, they drew the reader into visuals so much more nicely. 'pearl' beautiful description here.


  • Amunet Wolfbane Moderators member
    March 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This reads like something from a novel I read years ago. It had that old world vibe to it that is a bit eerie. I like it


  • Celticmoon
    March 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Your words whisper a sadness tio the reader in each line. Much of this piece is one that will be found relatable to many.
    Thank you for entering.
    Best of luck to you!


    Blessings
    Bel


  • Erika Elektrikka
    March 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I agree with the previous comment. There is a fine line between eloquent and super showy language (yes...I did just totally make up that word ) But other than its..eh?...hard to readness? lol, it was good.

    Good Luck,
    Erika


  • Blooming Poet
    March 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    kinda freaky. i think maybe in spots yor overusuing yourr vocab, it makes poems kinda forigien and hard to read with tthat much unusual language


  • PastelMoons gold member
    March 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow gorgeous imagery
    so well crafted!
    Good luck!
    ~Pastel


  • Dmonik
    March 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    OOohhh, nice and dark, just like all good writes.
    I loved this piece, desperation seeping from every line.
    Well done Vik.


  • LadyDementia gold member
    March 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nicely done! Deliciously dark and delightful. You have captured the feeling of despair extremely well. I do like you wording and style...I shall have to read more of your work. A wonderful take on the prompt, good luck


  • azlyn gold member
    February 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The dark wife of death...interesting take on this...very nice! Thanks and best of luck!!!

    Az


  • vici377
    February 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    your imagery is amazing..so very dark and alone..utter despair is depicted in this write..thanx for sharing and best of luck in the contest..namaste..

1 - 16 of 16