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Life, Flames, and Silence

Maybe it’s like trying to see faces in smoke,
  looking for existence in something that can’t be.

Always fire in darkness,
  wondering who’s there in the night sky
and playing with that flint.

The silence is more beautiful than music
  under that charred blanket
where we wonder what loneliness is.

Life is unanswerable,
  a damp sound in the distance:
unnerving and exciting.

These flames on water are soundless,
  dynamic and disorganized,
shoveled deep within the Earth.

Illusions without conclusion,
  ashes spread over the sea.

A contest entry

Silence.

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Wo Shi Wo
    June 30
    Edit | Reply

    hm...

    i love this. All the detail makes it seem so beautiful yet truthful. Few beauties come with truth.

  • aniqua
    June 15
    Edit | Reply

    Wow!

    Brilliant concept here! I love the way it begins... its all floaty and liquid, with the mention of flames on water that are shovelled under the Earth! Lovely! What do you mean to say when you say life is unanswerable... Just a small suggestion... read the third stanza without the "the" and "where" see how that sounds... Good Luck!


  • enlightenedatheist
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    The silence is more beautiful than music
    under that charred blanket
    where we wonder what loneliness is.

    Life is unanswerable,
    a damp sound in the distance:
    unnerving and exciting.


    these lines are so true!


  • PatheticKt
    March 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ohh, wow! i love the imagery you've painted here!
    a short piece yet the words simply blended well
    to catch the perfect essence of this write's theme!
    yeah, i like this, all right! ^_^


  • HorrorFiend
    March 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The beginning lines intrigue the reader and draw the mind in. You go on and it gets even more beautiful.

    The silence is more beautiful than music
    under that charred blanket
    where we wonder what loneliness is.

    That is amazing, along with just about every other line. I like the ending but I think with such powerful previous lines it could have hit a little harder.

  • myacidwords
    March 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    nice imagery. and nice flow. love the first two lines.


  • Sushi Darville
    March 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my god, I LOVED all the imagery! "Illusions without conclusion,
    ashes spread over the sea. " my fav. line!


  • stylization
    March 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very well done, and I love the imagery. Beautiful.


  • Age of Rain
    March 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful imagery. This poem beautifully grasps your prompt. Superb poem!


  • Age of Rain
    March 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful imagery. This poem beautifully grasps your prompt. Superb poem!


  • UncleSpace
    March 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Great stuff, very mysterious...

    Great stuff, very mysterious. Well done, it's very thought provoking. Please keep writing and always go back to it, you'll just get better and better.

    USpace

    http://uspacehaikusenryutanka.blogspot.com/


  • Perception
    February 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hmmmm... I really like your word choice on this... it really seemed perfect... word choice for me is practically everything.. I think I shall be reading on


  • Kelli Marie
    February 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This piece of poetry has great depth. Good word choice. It makes for a very good read. I think you did a great job with it.
    Kelli

1 - 13 of 13