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Parody of Spirit

I am the small voice in the back of your mind
I am the small voice in the back of your mind
I’m the spirit of choice and echo of soul
I’m the spirit of choice and echo of soul
In the back of your mind, I am the small voice
I’m the echo of soul, the spirit of choice

Hear what I say when you close your eyes
Hear what I say when you close your eyes
I hear you pray and I watch you by day
I hear you pray and I watch you by day
When you close your eyes, hear what I say
I watch you by day and I hear you pray

With you I abide when your world lets you down
With you I abide when your world lets you down
Reach deep inside you can call upon me
Reach deep inside you can call upon me
Your world lets you down when with you I abide
You can call upon me, reach deep inside

I am in the back of your mind, the small voice
I’m soul and spirit the echo of choice
Close your eyes when you hear what I say
I watch you pray and I hear you by day
When your world lets you down, with you I abide
Call upon me, you can reach deep inside

 

 

 

Author notes

 I titled this poem because; Billy Collins claimed that the Paradelle was invented in eleventh century France but he actually invented it himself as a parody of strict forms.

Paradelle:
A Paradelle is a poem of four six-line stanzas in which the first and second lines, as well as the third and fourth lines of the first three stanzas, must be identical. The fifth and sixth lines, which traditionally resolve these stanzas, must use all the words from the preceding lines and only those words. Similarly, the final stanza must use every word from all the preceding stanzas and only these words." Paradelles do not have to rhyme but I added slant, double, internal and end rhymes.

 

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Comments

1 - 28 of 28

  • melphleg gold member
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    I don't particularly like the form. I love your last stanza. I really don't think this was an attempt to humiliate you, but rather stretch you. You are talented. Writing in challenging forms only serves to increase your talent.
    It's like playing a sport against a better opponent. Naturally the odds are that you will loose, but your gain skill in the process.


  • Never Fall in Love
    June 29
    Edit | Reply
    I think you turned the tables with this one.


  • kirbysman Moderators member
    March 26

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    This is just amazing and one heck of a challenge that you've done so well. Congrats on getting it done at all. And, saying that, not only have you gotten it done, but it reads so very nicely and flows along quite naturally. Excellent, excellent job. I may have to think about this one a little.


    Paul


  • Swan song gold member
    November 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well the person who gave you this challenge failed to do that this is a very fine poem I think Billy Collins himself wpould be proud. I enjoyed this read dear!


  • just mercedes gold member
    August 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    So Clever!

    So very clever, and even with a parody of form you attain depth and meaning, and a resonant voice.

    I hate to see such wonderful talent put, as has been said, through a hoop - but your innate strength has somehow turned the tables, and left egg on faces while you soar. So very well done, with style and grace.


  • DiamondPenSociety
    June 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful

    We came across something that referenced this incident in a contest held by DP Robertson. His words on this matter were very powerful. After reviewing the evidence, we agree that this poem should be recognized.

  • ea silver member
    April 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    well, I didn't know about such a thing as a paradelle so I am glad to learn about it. Leave it to Billy Collins and his sense of humor to come up with it- I think if you were having problems with the host that they could see this as you taunting them, though. Just a thought. Thanks for bringing this form to my attention.


  • PerVirtuous
    April 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This poem deserved the Gold in the contest it was in, in my humble opinion. The contest holder gave you a poem that is almost impossible to write and a topic that was even harder for the form. Then they have the audacity to say it is not what they were looking for. Instead of admitting they did something silly and compensate, they asked you to write an additional, more traditional poem so they would know how to judge it better. This was a huge faux pas in my opinion. This is brilliantly written, considering the limitations of a form that was a hoax to begin with, and since the judge did not know this, their contest eded up a hoax as well. Just wanted to get that out of my system. This deserves the gold. No doubt about it.


  • Ithica silver member
    April 7, 2008

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    To put this much effort into something and be told it isn't enough, I want more seems a bit totalitarian, to me... There is rising to a challenge and then there is jumping through hoops... Unless she made every other entrant add a Terzanelle to their original entries, why would she expect that you should put out additional effort to satify her error... This is a contest not an exemplary exhibit... If I were you, I'd have pulled it too... This is an outstanding piece, Much admiration from me... I could not have risen to the original challenge... Bravo!!!


  • jcat gold member
    April 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ithica sent me the link to this and at first I was a little confused by it as I know you to be the form queen on here and this just seemed way off for you. But I have to tell you that I think that you executed the form and the rhyme and the "spiritual" prompt very well!!! In fact I think that you did an icredible job here and the only person who ended up with egg on her face was the contest holder!!! You truly proved in a most dignified way that there is no form beneath you nor is there one that you can not do and do WELL!! I found this to actually be a treat to read and I found myself really drawn into the spiritual aspect of this piece as I am catholic... Bravo Amera!!! You proved that the Paradelle does not have to be a parody, that it can actually stand on its own as a respected form if you really take the time to showcase it!!


  • g-tonttu
    March 15, 2008

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    Impressive...I would not have the "guts" to try out a Paradelle. The poem does stick out and I like it alot, it would be quite intriguing to see where this poem goes...as for me it ends to soon and kind of keeps me hanging.

  • ecrivain01
    March 7, 2008

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    I don't have much use ...

    for Billy Collins ... he's rude and condescending, and even though he's brilliant, that's a bit much for me.

    However, I think you did a good job on the poem. That's really all that matters.


  • penman gold member
    March 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Powerful

    Oh my you outdid yourself with this one. Best of luck in the contest.


  • Desire gold member
    March 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Oy~ Comment Fart...LoL

    Oooops...let me finish my comment

    Holy Moly...I got so excited from this form,
    my comment sent by itself


    Loved this and I have never tried this one before~
    but will give it a whirl
    You are gooooooooooooooood

    Thank You for sharing Your Talent and Spirit~
    Many blessings to You in the contest Sweet Soul
    Best wishes too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • Desire gold member
    March 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Wow!!


  • maa gold member
    March 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I get the clue !
    the inventor of this form really had (maybe still has ?) a lot of humor ... for once, I understood the rules immediately ...
    these unconventional and unique poetry-forms suit you so well, you are a great role-model for this (sometimes too conservative) maa ...


    maa


  • HeavensDaughter
    February 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting. A little too repetitious for my taste...but a very interesting read, nonetheless. I liked following the form and seeing what you did with it. Methinks it must have been a bit of a challenge to write! And the way you added the rhyme...wow! I am suitably impressed.

    I really enjoy how you introduce all these different forms for us to check out!


    • Amera gold member
      February 29, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks, too much repitition for me too but that was the required form to use for the contest.


  • pantress silver member
    February 29, 2008

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    This looks like a extrememly tough form. To repeat lines and still have them interesting enough to read twice. You have done a magnificant job creating this piece. Good luck in the contest. Jennifer


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    February 29, 2008

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    The phrase "it does exactly what it says on the tin" comes to mind. What an excellent piece of composition! (And I thought I was clever doing two sapphic odes in mirror-dyad. Jings!).

  • PerVirtuous
    February 28, 2008
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    A swap paradelle with internal rhymes *swoons* *gets licked by the dog and comes to* Holy shit...! Is there nothing you can't do? Are you an X-men mutant or something? Damn. I can't get my head around this. You are just too much, and that's just how I like them.


  • Faeryn
    February 28, 2008
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    I needed this today. Thanks, mommy.
    Tay


  • cricketjeff gold member
    February 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    OK so I wasted my efforts again next time I may "forget" to pass on the invitation!!! I'm sure you will forgive me not commenting in form at 3am!! I do however salute your Royal Highness for yet another form not just conquered but routed and sent home to mummy with a spanked bottom!


  • StarEyes
    February 28, 2008

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    My Dearest Friend,

    You know, somehow, after the day I had, I could almost hear a voice reading this to me. WOW!! I think this is just what I needed tonight! Thanks!! I know you know what I am talking about Thanks hon!! Your the best! and so is this, I think I shall bookmark this for days like today!!

    Best of luck in this contest!

    and love

    Nyetta


  • blueyez
    February 28, 2008

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    This is amazing and exciting because this is a new form to me and no one could have done it better! You amaze me not only as a woman but as a poetess! Simply beautiful!
    Peace and Love


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    February 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is just wonderfully done as usual. thanks for sharing my love.
    Love you

    Mistress Passions

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