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Parody of Spirit

I am the small voice in the back of your mind
I am the small voice in the back of your mind
I’m the spirit of choice and echo of soul
I’m the spirit of choice and echo of soul
In the back of your mind, I am the small voice
I’m the echo of soul, the spirit of choice

Hear what I say when you close your eyes
Hear what I say when you close your eyes
I hear you pray and I watch you by day
I hear you pray and I watch you by day
When you close your eyes, hear what I say
I watch you by day and I hear you pray

With you I abide when your world lets you down
With you I abide when your world lets you down
Reach deep inside you can call upon me
Reach deep inside you can call upon me
Your world lets you down when with you I abide
You can call upon me, reach deep inside

I am in the back of your mind, the small voice
I’m soul and spirit the echo of choice
Close your eyes when you hear what I say
I watch you pray and I hear you by day
When your world lets you down, with you I abide
Call upon me, you can reach deep inside

 

 

 

Author notes

This poem was given to me as a challenge. I later realized is was an attempt to humiliate me in public. I was to write this parody form and make it spiritual. Well I did and I also made it rhyme. When the judge saw that I could do it she singled me out of all the other poems and said it wasn’t good enough and she wanted me to add another poem to it.


Paradelle:
A Paradelle is a poem of four six-line stanzas in which the first and second lines, as well as the third and fourth lines of the first three stanzas, must be identical. The fifth and sixth lines, which traditionally resolve these stanzas, must use all the words from the preceding lines and only those words. Similarly, the final stanza must use every word from all the preceding stanzas and only these words." Paradelles do not have to rhyme but the judge of this contest is quite discerning so I added slant double, internal and end rhymes.

I titled this poem because; Billy Collins claimed that the paradelle was invented in eleventh century France but he actually invented it himself to parody strict forms.

 

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1 - 30 of 30

  • pania gold member
    August 1

    Edit | Reply

    So Clever!

    So very clever, and even with a parody of form you attain depth and meaning, and a resonant voice.

    I hate to see such wonderful talent put, as has been said, through a hoop - but your innate strength has somehow turned the tables, and left egg on faces while you soar. So very well done, with style and grace.


  • DiamondPenSociety
    June 17

    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful

    We came across something that referenced this incident in a contest held by DP Robertson. His words on this matter were very powerful. After reviewing the evidence, we agree that this poem should be recognized.


  • DiamondPenSociety
    June 17
    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful

    We came across something that referenced this incident in a contest held by DP Robertson. His words on this matter were very powerful. After reviewing the evidence, we agree that this poem should be recognized.


  • ea silver member
    April 16

    Edit | Reply
    well, I didn't know about such a thing as a paradelle so I am glad to learn about it. Leave it to Billy Collins and his sense of humor to come up with it- I think if you were having problems with the host that they could see this as you taunting them, though. Just a thought. Thanks for bringing this form to my attention.


  • PerVirtuous Allan gold member
    April 10

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    This poem deserved the Gold in the contest it was in, in my humble opinion. The contest holder gave you a poem that is almost impossible to write and a topic that was even harder for the form. Then they have the audacity to say it is not what they were looking for. Instead of admitting they did something silly and compensate, they asked you to write an additional, more traditional poem so they would know how to judge it better. This was a huge faux pas in my opinion. This is brilliantly written, considering the limitations of a form that was a hoax to begin with, and since the judge did not know this, their contest eded up a hoax as well. Just wanted to get that out of my system. This deserves the gold. No doubt about it.


  • Ithica silver member
    April 7

    Edit | Reply
    To put this much effort into something and be told it isn't enough, I want more seems a bit totalitarian, to me... There is rising to a challenge and then there is jumping through hoops... Unless she made every other entrant add a Terzanelle to their original entries, why would she expect that you should put out additional effort to satify her error... This is a contest not an exemplary exhibit... If I were you, I'd have pulled it too... This is an outstanding piece, Much admiration from me... I could not have risen to the original challenge... Bravo!!!


  • jcat gold member
    April 7

    Edit | Reply
    Ithica sent me the link to this and at first I was a little confused by it as I know you to be the form queen on here and this just seemed way off for you. But I have to tell you that I think that you executed the form and the rhyme and the "spiritual" prompt very well!!! In fact I think that you did an icredible job here and the only person who ended up with egg on her face was the contest holder!!! You truly proved in a most dignified way that there is no form beneath you nor is there one that you can not do and do WELL!! I found this to actually be a treat to read and I found myself really drawn into the spiritual aspect of this piece as I am catholic... Bravo Amera!!! You proved that the Paradelle does not have to be a parody, that it can actually stand on its own as a respected form if you really take the time to showcase it!!


  • g-tonttu
    March 15

    Edit | Reply
    Impressive...I would not have the "guts" to try out a Paradelle. The poem does stick out and I like it alot, it would be quite intriguing to see where this poem goes...as for me it ends to soon and kind of keeps me hanging.

    . Rewarded 4


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    March 14
    Edit | Reply

    <

    First of Amera you did an outstanding job with a most difficult piece and given the contents you had to do for this you rose up to the challenge and succeeded in a most powerful manner. This here was the best that I have ever seen in such a way, that keeps the reader longer for more. Secondly, this was a challenge that was asked to do one thing and you met the challenge the way that was required, there is no proper way of saying OMG I made an error after the piece was already submitted. Thats just ridiculous. That mistake should of been caught in a timely manner and passed to you. Where there were no messages of such. Humiliation? I would be a tad been humiliated to be told this is a great job but, I want to feel more of you..that should of been expressed throughly from beginning. I always find in unprofessional anyway to broadcast corrections by judges in comment, when they could very well send a message and say, I am sorry I wanted this or that, in this case alone, you did the form, with the content therefore, did as you were asked. Great job on this, as always you took the challenge and ran with it. I am proud of you.

    Passions

  • Laura Lamarca
    March 14
    Edit | Reply
    You executed this form well indeed...but I'm not sure if I gave you the correct one to do now...my fault entirely. I was hoping you'd deliver some depth and show me the inside of you, but the form restrictions don't allow it...especially not with all of that repetition. If you'd like to rise to the challenge though...I'd like you to add to this with a Terzanelle on this same page that continues on from the Paradelle and gives me a look inside. Let me know
    Thanks for entering and good luck in the judging. Laura x

  • ecrivain01 silver member
    March 7

    Edit | Reply

    I don't have much use ...

    for Billy Collins ... he's rude and condescending, and even though he's brilliant, that's a bit much for me.

    However, I think you did a good job on the poem. That's really all that matters.


  • penman gold member
    March 3
    Edit | Reply

    Powerful

    Oh my you outdid yourself with this one. Best of luck in the contest.


  • Desire gold member
    March 2

    Edit | Reply

    Oy~ Comment Fart...LoL

    Oooops...let me finish my comment

    Holy Moly...I got so excited from this form,
    my comment sent by itself


    Loved this and I have never tried this one before~
    but will give it a whirl
    You are gooooooooooooooood

    Thank You for sharing Your Talent and Spirit~
    Many blessings to You in the contest Sweet Soul
    Best wishes too
    and much love~ Desire~*~

  • Desire gold member
    March 2
    Edit | Reply

    Wow!!


  • maa gold member
    March 1

    Edit | Reply
    I get the clue !
    the inventor of this form really had (maybe still has ?) a lot of humor ... for once, I understood the rules immediately ...
    these unconventional and unique poetry-forms suit you so well, you are a great role-model for this (sometimes too conservative) maa ...


    maa


  • HeavensDaughter
    February 29
    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting. A little too repetitious for my taste...but a very interesting read, nonetheless. I liked following the form and seeing what you did with it. Methinks it must have been a bit of a challenge to write! And the way you added the rhyme...wow! I am suitably impressed.

    I really enjoy how you introduce all these different forms for us to check out!


    • Amera gold member
      February 29
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks, too much repitition for me too but that was the required form to use for the contest.

  • pantress
    February 29

    Edit | Reply
    This looks like a extrememly tough form. To repeat lines and still have them interesting enough to read twice. You have done a magnificant job creating this piece. Good luck in the contest. Jennifer


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    February 29

    Edit | Reply
    The phrase "it does exactly what it says on the tin" comes to mind. What an excellent piece of composition! (And I thought I was clever doing two sapphic odes in mirror-dyad. Jings!).


  • PerVirtuous Allan gold member
    February 28
    Edit | Reply
    A swap paradelle with internal rhymes *swoons* *gets licked by the dog and comes to* Holy shit...! Is there nothing you can't do? Are you an X-men mutant or something? Damn. I can't get my head around this. You are just too much, and that's just how I like them.


  • Faeryn
    February 28
    Edit | Reply
    I needed this today. Thanks, mommy.
    Tay


  • cricketjeff gold member
    February 28

    Edit | Reply
    OK so I wasted my efforts again next time I may "forget" to pass on the invitation!!! I'm sure you will forgive me not commenting in form at 3am!! I do however salute your Royal Highness for yet another form not just conquered but routed and sent home to mummy with a spanked bottom!


  • sunshinegirl
    February 28

    Edit | Reply
    My Dearest Friend,

    You know, somehow, after the day I had, I could almost hear a voice reading this to me. WOW!! I think this is just what I needed tonight! Thanks!! I know you know what I am talking about Thanks hon!! Your the best! and so is this, I think I shall bookmark this for days like today!!

    Best of luck in this contest!

    and love

    Nyetta


  • blueyez
    February 28

    Edit | Reply
    This is amazing and exciting because this is a new form to me and no one could have done it better! You amaze me not only as a woman but as a poetess! Simply beautiful!
    Peace and Love


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    February 28

    Edit | Reply
    this is just wonderfully done as usual. thanks for sharing my love.
    Love you

    Mistress Passions

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