it is always only a matter
of time
however accounted
i saw her dreams
traffic light
reflected in a store window
tossed shoes hung from a wire
girl in the weary coat
huddles on the corner
face hidden by hair
how many
drop a dollar
in her cup
a timely message
from the artist
crafted with innuendo
proves the suitability
of any given day
or hour
even without catching up
she may already be ahead
tomorrow taps at the window
it could be anything
really
A contest entry
- for those of you I actually like by zillion.
1100 points, ended March 5, 2008, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
-
I very much like every line in your poetry and the manner in which it falls into place in my mind.
thank you for the comment today
-
-
thank you
-
-
Poignant, I love this
-
Trophy well deserved. Living in DC, I'm constantly walking past people in doorways and their more demanding cousins on the corners. It's hard to maintain a fresh perspective and a real appreciation for the human link. I think you've managed that here, creating a commonality, not being overly pie-eyed, a nice honest ending, plenty of detail.
Well done.
-
You create a mood, a vignette, with such a smooth hand.
The little details that escape the eye of so many, the nuance of desperation around the corner, the soft touch for a victim.
This poem put a twenty into my cup.
Congrats on a well-deserved win.
-
I am so glad when I click on a new poet and find such amazing talent. This is one of the best I've read today. I enjoyed it. Bookmarking so that later I remember to check out more of your talent.
-
-
-
-
oh you're good. love this one
-
-
-
I love the nonchalance attitude this poem holds, despite the powerful theme. I always try to achieve that feeling that what the poem is about is not important as it really is. Uh...if that makes sense.
That last line is positively true. Ya' just never know. -
dime in a pocket...
when a dashed hope becomes a scientific luminosity unfurled, it banters in the bastion craft of soft cell redemption, and i stare indirectly into the sunshine soul of tomorrow. always love the way you see things, Jan.
-
yuppp...... plenty have said it already that you can capture an image so well and play it out with minute detail... the window pane, the girl, the sounds of money rattling.. it could be anything or it could all be here... artful
yes
true art
nicely done misstastic
-
hmmmpf
this is about people who cure themselves into robots
and think elephants have no feathers
right?
-
i agree with al, wonderful ending. and i love how open to interpretation this is, its lovely.
-
i love how you close this one... the conversational tone and the window...
nice stuff
al
-
This is a read and reread type of poem. Not because it's odd (dingbat) but because there are so many subtle turns in it.
I love the girl with her hair in her face, and the reflection of her dreams traffic light. That's a really cool image/idea, something I wish I had thought of.
tap tap tap
i like it.
Adding your comment:
1 - 17 of 17
