What's happening?
Feels like I'm breaking
Can't reach the surface
Inexplicably shaking
Light has faded
Condemned with blackness
There's no way out
Darkened abyss
Night brings no stars
Can't escape
Hope is too far
I lie here awake
Senseless foreboding
Whispers in my ear
Comprehend the message?
My end is near
Takes me swiftly
Feels like I'm flying
Such wonderful dreams
Come from this dieing
Hope reigns me in
It's been gone for so long
Left me in a place of light
A place I belong.
Author notes
It's kind of a jumble -- but i mean it to be that way so no worries.
Comment please !!!
Comments
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I've felt this jumble of restless listlessness often times.
Lying in the dark with anxiety clawing at the thin walls that my little dreams duelly support, yet wish to break free off.
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i really like structure or rhythm or 'jumple' thing going on here...
kinda gives me that "i can't breathe as quickly as words want me to" feeling
and another thing that i am particularly a fan of is questions in poems...they make great opening lines
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Belonging
Cool beginning, a nice look at what death would be like. Love the "night brings no stars": superb line/metaphor! The personification of "foreboding" is also really cool. "Dieing"? The ending rhyme does a good job of symbolizing a perfect form, which, in this poem, is the perfection in the afterflife: heaven? I like the affirmative last line, where the speaker KNOWS they belong there. That kind of confidence is what the living need to get through the "dark" times that are symbolic of the life cycle. I liked this a whole lot! If you like cool words with a folk/rock feel, comment or just listen to my latest songs at www.nakedadam.net
Aloha, friend!
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