Look deep into my eyes
as the road unwinds.
Traveling my mind
as we go back into time.
Can you see me smile?
When I was a little child?
Did you see my tears?
Did you feel my fears?
Look at the secrets I bared.
When I was young and scared.
Let me race into the past
taking me back so fast.
All the nights I cried
as I laid alone at night.
Wondering why you left,
without a word even said.
Years came and gone
as I waited for so long.
Now I am fifty-three
and you still don’t remember me.
If I could turn back the hands of time
so we could share a few lines.
I wonder every day
what to you I would say.
Will I act like that scared little girl?
That was left alone in the world.
Will I shed a tear of regret?
That again we finally met.
Can I forgive you for your mistake
and finally release this hate.
Or will my voice become silent
having present the man that once left.
The father that one day I wanted to remember me.
To see what a grand women I’ve grown-up to be.
I’ll keep fantasying this dream will come true.
That again real soon I’ll meet you.
Look deep into my eyes
as the road unwinds.
Traveling my mind
as we go back into time.
A contest entry
- Childhood Memories, Good or Bad by Nicada.
550 points, ended July 11, 2008, 38 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Any poem at all. by Blue-Rose Beauty.
950 points, ended April 2, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Excellent
A beautiful well written poem of sadness regret
and nostalgia, for what might have been,of lovely
well chosen imagery flows nicely an exceptional read
deserves more than honourable mention...George....
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WOW
This is amazing. You really have a way with words that can grab the reader by their hearts and whisk them away to whatever world you are describing, and let them feel every emotion you are feeling. When I read this, I felt as if I had really looked into your eyes and saw your childhood unfold. Very emotional, teardul, powerful, yet it has an elegany beauty to the way you've arranged the words.
Bravo.
Keep writing thanks for sharing
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I really do like it.
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excelent
along piece that kept my intrest with the rhyme and subject that is sure to be felt by many in this world. you have spoken for so many and you've done it very eloquently. your long lost friend john h loving iii -
This hit home for me, as my daughter's father is not involved in her life what so ever. Thanks for the entry!
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Awe, how I grab my heart and feel the words you portray so deeply. So sad to not truly know your father.
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I can relate to this one my dear friend so much so it gave me chills keep doing well love the rev papa
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It takes much courage to have to face your past sometimes, or even to remember them. This is an excellent poem,Lisa. Really touched me.
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It's hard, sometimes, to revisit the past. You portray that well, the curiosity, the timidness, definitely captured here. And I get almost a longing feeling.
"Look deep into my eyes
as the road unwinds.
Traveling my mind
as we go back into time."
This works very well to begin AND end the poem. Good job!
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Wow-this poem clearly shows how you feel about your father, it really speaks to the reader in ways not previously imagined.
Your poem shows off the wonderful wonder and love that escapes you and comes onto the "notepad" as you write down your thoughts and your feelings are conveyed.
Jeff. -
Excellent. This is a great read. Scoring: creativty 10/10-emotion 20/20-structure 10/10-wording 15/15, a perfect 55! You're moving on to the next round! i will contact you as soon as it opens
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This is a gut wrenching write, and it makes my heart ache. So much pain in this world, and children especially should not endure this. Little girls need their daddies to be lovingly in their lives. Writing can be so healing I have found, and you have expressed some painful emotions in this write. That anger is a tough one to over come. Thanks for sharing this and for entering my contest. Blessings, Patty
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Wow, this is so beautiful, and so sad. This captivated me, and brought tears to my eyes. Completely amazing.
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this is so sad. i really feel emotion through this. i like the contrast of the scared little girl to the adult, that the father still won't remember, and how you wouldn't know what words to say.
i like how you've used the same 4 lines at the beginning and the end.
the poem is really beautiful, in a very sad way. i really liked reading it, and could relate to the childs feelings you wrote about. and if this is real, i do hope you get to see your father some day, and that things are made easier. this poem is filled with pain, yet you have written it so nicely.
keep writing,
holly x
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I am just thundered how cute and great this poem is together
i dont know how to write a good reply
but i will try
from the start to the end
i like the the message you wanted to send
hi..may i be your friend..son anything?>?> -
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thank You for your beautiful comments
They are greatly appreciated and yes You can be my friend or son I could us an other wonderful AP Son
LISA
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*sigh*
Powerful poem, Mom. I sense a lot of bitterness in this one. Is this a real-life experience you went through here? Either way, fine work.
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Yes sweety it was true in the last 53 years I have seen my father four times. After he left us I was 2 years old. One time when I was 18 Second time when we went to a country fair together I was about 27 the third time was when his father died my grandfather and the last time was when she mother died my grandmother about 7 years ago. Sad right. So I guess the next time I will see him will be at his own funeral. For he is 78 years old already. He came to me in a dream last night that’s why I wrote this write. Thanks for the read my dear you are always so supportive Lisa AP MOM
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wow
truly full of deep emotion,im sorry for your hartach sweety,life isn't fair and maybe someday you will find and meet your dad,myself i've never felt that pain, but i've felt the pain that my kids father caused them and he hurt our little boy at the age of two,but i thank god tat he has had the courage to tell my son he was sorry,someday he'll regret and want our son in his life again.bubt i pray god will grant you te pleasure to know your dad before you or he go best of luck
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Yes I always wondered what it would have been like to have a father just like all my friends when I was in school. But know It still eats at me. Only God knows why things happen. Thank you for the wonderful review. Greatly appreciated. LISA
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