silence;
holding such resonance
as to dispel even the
cacophony
of nothingness,
dancing through
my stratosphere
and streaming
from every
string,
sitting
on curves of balsa,
befitting of
womanhood;
fantasies trying fervently
to steal their way
past reality...
where melodies entrance
without a mouth
or whisper
and the [lack of]
sound
seeps like a subterfuge
of sibilance
washing over withered skin
with same the level
of originality
as stood
before
you
now.
Author notes
A poem (hopefully) without adjectives. It was quite "fun" trying to write but I don't think this is where my talents lie. Let me know x
Reread it. Hate it. Eurgh
Note - since the contest this has been editted to include adjectives, though only a few.
1. George/She Has My Heart
2. 16
3. 2 years 4 monthsish
4. Rhyme, maybe nature
5. Abstract - this lol
6. Wow - anything
7. Teen Idol - 7th this year...erm I've joined a couple of others that haven't started properly yet so I don't think they count
8. Ha! I wish...poetry wise or anything? I have one poem published (lol)
9. Just one? Well you already know I'm a film geek cos I told you before so...I take Biology, Maths, English and Film Studies at AS level
10. Good luck with your contest!
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 7: Round 6 [Top 9] by Tangled Angle.
450 points, ended March 3, 2008, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites Shall Reign by DeadlyPoetic88.
600 points, ended March 31, 2008, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Suggestions?
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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"dancing through
my stratosphere
and streaming
from every
string,"
this is probably the first time ive ever read a poem and automatically wanted one of the lines permantly tattooed on my body.
((^^the one up there))
god,
the imagery.
it screams itself into you.
i actually felt my mouth drop and my brain went dead.
poetry with a force.
this is utterly amazing.
i dont know what else to say.
♥ ♥
[[alexsis]]
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Wow. I don't deserve such high praise!!!
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This is a remarkable piece ...
as your cheering section has already pointed out. I think you might consider changing this line:
with same the level (with the same level)
but other than that, I can't find anything here that needs changing or fixing. Everything seems to work very well. Sometimes you amaze me.
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Yes, I think when I reworked it I typed it the wrong way round by mistake lol. Thank you
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WOW! I thought that this was awesome. Nicely penned. Thank you so much for entering my contest.
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this was fucking amazing
really.
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Cheers
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I will agree with the comment below mine. I LOVED that balsa line. It was like, gah. It was really perfect, but you talk about writing "real free verse." Real free verse to me actually has a message, a very strong one at that. I don't think free verse should just be a string of images. You can do it while keeping your original meaning.
Its all about taking poetic device & crafting it in your own voice.
If I wasn't told about the guitar thing, I really wouldn't have realized it was a guitar. It wouldnt have ever crossed my mind.
& to be honest, I think if you can find that voice & communicate your meanings without being didactic, then you'll be a great asset to this contest.
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I couldn't agree more that's why I don't personally like this piece lol.
"real free verse" was meant to be...um...sarcastic I guess, like they think it's good because I can string some nice words together but I don't cos it doesn't have a message so they're "real". Never mind, I can't explain myself
Have fun with the contest x
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I certainly appreciate the devices you used and the awesome vocabulary, but I had trouble figuring out what the underlying meaning of this piece was. Despite that, there were distinct features that I found striking, even if I couldn't really unify them. "Curves of balsa, befitting of womanhood," for instance, is a stunning metaphor. The fact that you can evoke such strong imagery without the use of adjectives deserves major brownie points, and possibly it's own patch.
I also really like the opening. "silence;
holding such resonance
as to dispel even the
cacophony
of nothingness"
In a really unique way, you've given silence substance. Instead of viewing it as the lack of sound, you infer that it can contain an array of aural significance. I think what confused me is that you either didn't continue to explore what that resonance was, or it was implied so internally that I just couldn't figure it out. However, I'm not one to discourage enigmatic poetry or catering to an audience, and if you're happy with it as it stands, you definately shouldn't touch it.
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The underlying meaning was me not playing my guitar basically...it just sitting there waiting for me to have a go. That's why I didn't like this poem (yet the "real" free versers seem to like it), because my message gets lost in the middle of metaphor and everything and I just can't say what I want to!
Thanks as always x
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Don't hate it! It's amazingly awesome! And the shiny shows that compared to the one that I wrote (incorporating static in the title too) just yesterday... yeah, let's just say that your poetic skills baffle me and I shall return to read more!
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Haha aww thank you very much x
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I thought I already commented on this!
First of all, congrats on the silver trophy! vell dun!
Next, get rid of those rubbish author's notes. You can't hate this - it was amazing especially under those kind of restrictions. And talent? Hell, of course it lies here. Your talent lies in every type of poem whether you've tried it or not - you've hardly written any free verse and you've improved so goddamn much. You are excellent - and I'm not being biased while saying it
Never ♥
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Shame it weren't a gold eh
I still don't like it - but maybe I'll have to keep this style, Tyler likes it.
You are biased, but I still appreciate it lol x -
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95.7
I love how controlled this was. It's simplistic, beautiful, and profound. I am really impressed by this.
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*ack*
*dies*
YAY!
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i always like the rhythm that you maintain through out your poems. your line breaks and alliteration add to it, i think.
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Wow I appreciate that coming from one of the (if not the) best in the competition!
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What...
talents? you have no talents, all those... cups, I know your dad bought them for you!...Don't worry I didn't charge him too much!
This is a strange one for you... different... a bit like Leicester winning a match! Anyway I'm going to give you some clappies out of sympathy!!
U.F.I.
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Gee...thanks for the support...!!!
I had to write it for a contest...hence the...not very good and not very me feel to it I think.
Maybe I should start writing more like this then! If I did it'd be less strange and Leicester might take notice!
Wow...sympathy vote...haha great! *rolls eyes*
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