The time we shared more precious than any notion of Heaven..
All my perceptions of love you crystalized into truth..
Nights & Days of spellbound leisure redemption can never replace...
In your arms the thundering brutality of our exhausted world was hushed..
The sleepy death parade through squalid streets of nowhere washed away..
The burden of free will nothing more than a thousand kisses blown into the wind..
Such a beautiful something...
Something that kept a fool believing in the miracle..
Believing that fate is more a lover
awaiting our surrender than a death bed wet dream...
Now theres only the slow burn of time...
Cigarettes smoked in soft blue nausea
and a pretense of faith more absurd than laughter...
A contest entry
- February New Members Contest by AP Greeters.
600 points, ended March 5, 2008, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
welcome to allpoetry
I kind of like the way you have written this out. Sometimes a different layout adds to the write. Either way I think the feeling come sthrough quite well. Thank you for sharing. Best of luck to you.
~Kristy -
Maybe if you broke it into stanzas with line breaks it would work better. Example:
The time we shared was
more precious than any
notion of Heaven,
my perceptions of love
you have crystalized
into truth.
Nights and days of
spellbound leisure,
redemption
can never replace.
In your arms the
thundering brutality of
our exhausted world
was hushed as
the sleepy death parade
through squalid streets
of nowhere, washed away.
The burden of free will
nothing more than
a thousand kisses blown
into the wind.
Just a suggestion. Also you should add which option you used in your notes. Good luck.
-
Welcome to Allpoetry
Almost prosaic.. why dont u use pauses and breaks, and make it more appealing as a poem. Editi ASAP Good luck. Thanks for taking time to enter our contest. -
Welcome to AllPoetry
This has a great idea behind it, I think it would look better completely centred or completely to the left.. ti is kind of in that inbetween for the most part, we do need to know which option you chose from the contest as inspiration, so if you can pop that into your author notes so we know you have followed contest guidelines.... thanks and goodluck in the contest
Karen
Adding your comment:
