In the awakening time
when the rains refrained
from visiting our skies
Nature nursed the earth
in stillness.
Until the early spring time sun
lightened our days with dry warmth
daring the rains to return.
Return they did on boisterous winds
bumping the clouds to release
streaming, sliding waters
which the earth swilled down lustily.
Trees showed leaves of rioting green
and clustering blooms screened new-built nests.
Still the rain beat on to the earth
puddling mud tracks in the fields.
Bedraggled humans fooled themselves and their dogs
with the blessings of going for walks
and the glories of nature on sunny days.
Author notes
This is a loose link to Robert Frost's 'Our Hold on the Planet'in The Poetry of Robert Frost, ed. EC Latham, p.349
A contest entry
- Robert Frost-based Contest for Allpoetry, Winklings & Friends #51 by Lyndon.
2590 points, ended March 14, 2008, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Hi Crystal,
I just want you to know that I actually recommended that this poem be given the silver or the bronze in this contest. I think it is a fine poem; unfortunately, I do not understand what wires got crossed in the judging of this contest. I had planned to comment after the judging, but I was quite ill at the time and didn't follow up on it. Anyway, I'm sorry to see that it was not awarded a trophy, as I myself, most definitely would have done so.
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Hallo there and thank you for your concern. I'm so sorry you were ill, but please don't worry about my not getting what you recommended. Lyndon gave me a very kind critique. I've just had bronchitis for a month and am beginning to get things together again.
Will talk again soon.
crystaldust
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Good work!
OUR HOLD ON THE PLANET
We asked for rain. It didn’t flash and roar.
It didn’t lose its temper at our demand
And blow a gale. It didn’t misunderstand
And give us more than our spokesman bargained for;
And just because we owned to a wish for rain,
Send us a flood and bid us be damned and drown.
It gently threw us a glittering shower down.
And when we had taken that into the roots of grain,
It threw us another and then another still,
Till the spongy soil again was natal wet.
We may doubt the just proportion of good to ill.
There is much in nature against us. But we forget;
Take nature altogether since time began,
Including human nature, in peace and war,
And it must be a little more in favor of man,
Say a fraction of one percent at the very least,
Or our number living wouldn’t be steadily more,
Our hold on the planet wouldn’t have so increased.
As people can see, you did justice to the poem you are emulating. Frost uses a mix of short and long sentences. Some very short and some quite long. When the poem is read, we do not notice partly because of his careful punctuation.
This lovely wording of yours is not a sentence but a mere auxiliary clause:
"Until the early spring time sun
lightened our days with dry warmth
daring the rains to return."
"Until" is a conjunction joining the clause to no principal clause at all. Drop the period at the end of the word "stillness" would be one method.
Otherwise, this is a very attractive poem. Honorable mention material, methinks.
Lyndon of the Winklings. 
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Good work.
Yes, I liked this poem very much. It is in the vein of Frost's poem, at this link:
http://pc.blogspot.com/2007/07/our-hold-on-planet-robert-frost.html
Frost wrote in sentences.
This, unfortunately, is a mere auxiliary clause, is it not?
"Until the early spring time sun
lightened our days with dry warmth
daring the rains to return."
A good arrangement of words but the clause is unattached from any principal clause.
I do commend this poem very much, in spite of this hiccup. -
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Beautifully done. I did enjoy this very much.
"Return they did on boisterous winds
bumping the clouds to release
streaming, sliding waters
which the earth swilled down lustily."
I like these lines very much. Sliding waters in particular captured me. A pleasure to read and enjoy. ~Pamela
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LOVELY!!!!
Nature does indeed show us her many faces which are ever changing.
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Hi Mum. A beautiful write. Lovely depth of feeling. Very good imagery, flow and tone. Nice personification of Nature. Vivid descriptives. Good word choice, alliteration and nice assonance. You paint a lovely picture with your words. Well penned and much enjoyed. Best wishes in the contest.
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