I'll remember, when I die porcupine death,
from grunge inspiration in my Kurt Cobain super pose,
and the letter I leave will not be meant for you
My black fingernails, eyeballs, and guitar collection;
ebay fodder, for some grave robbing, crack smoking whore,
-because she is sooo much more to me
Author notes
it's not done yet, I thought of it while I was high and thought I'd put it up to make it easier to remember to finish one day
Comments
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So you like spitting out some deception? I liked this way of putting things in, it made me laugh somehow. A very tough poem with some truths.
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I actually like it just as it is. It's tongue in cheek, blatant, and to the point.
If I had any constructive criticism to give, it would perhaps be to get rid of the "You know what?" at the start. The rest is perfect.
One more line on the end of that last stanza wouldn't hurt things, but it isn't needed. The way it ends is so blunt, so cynical. It would be a shame to make this piece too lengthy, in my opinion - it would detract from the power of your piece.
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