I've captured too many words for you
Grasping them from thin air
To place them on your dry lips
(Your silence is no longer my refuge
And I shall be your author no more)
I've swung this axe enough
Trying to break the ice that
You've deemed your shield
(Your ambivalence is no longer my muse
And I shall be your sculptor no more)
I've held you too tight
Tried sewing your wounds
And drew back bloody fingers
(Your fear is no longer my life passion
And I shall be your nurse no more)
And so, you've humbled me enough
I can now accept defeat
And leave you to your ego
(Your heart is no longer my obsession
And I will be your lover no more.)
Author notes
My last farewell
A contest entry
- 100 Writes from 100 Poets by Macsword.
4500 points, ended August 1, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Exceptional..
I liked the way you ended each stanza and the first parenthetical couplet was very fine:
(Your silence is no longer my refuge
And I shall be your author no more)
Yet each stanza is telling and emotional. A fine write poet.
Please do not respond to this comment until I have completed judging. Thank you for this entry.
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So deep and painful...I love poems like this, that I can feel inside my soul. You have a wonderful gift my friend.
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Amazing!
I love the last two lines the most (Your heart is no longer my obsession And I will be your lover no more.) This is a very deep and heartfelt piece. I love how you related the stanzas to specific things, nurse, sculptor, author...beautiful. Great write. ~mandie~
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really like the flow and how it goes as those lines tell it all for each stanza
(Your silence is no longer my refuge
And I shall be your author no more)
(Your ambivalence is no longer my muse
And I shall be your sculptor no more)
(
Your fear is no longer my life passion
And I shall be your nurse no more)
(Your heart is no longer my obsession
And I will be your lover no more.)
especialy last 2 lines can really relate to and know the feeling...
afterall No one can ever hear the sound of your heartache...cause all they see is themselves and care the most about how to feed their greed and ego and getting shamelessly stronger over hurting and killing others from inside.
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I had to disable background to read. (the words are too dark)
It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself that you were his saviour, which isn't how it works. As beautiful as the poem was, it sounds like it should've been written by him with love, apology, regret, and gratitude. But you wrote this, which means in a very great sense, I'm gonna guess he was very ungrateful/unmotivated by everything you did or were willing to do.
Sadly, this poem that expresses such a wonderful depth of emotion eludes the sacrifice and friendship of love, I can only guess what he'd write. If you want peace, don't let him steel your joy by holding a grudge.
I'd hate to get this sort of farewell.
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wow
Well, aside from the way too dark font color (it's way hard to read, man), this piece is very well done.
"and leave you to your ego" - very nice -
"break the ice you've deemed your shield" - ooooh - so different than something like 'your heart is ice' or 'your icy heart' - your line is an EXCELLENT choice. Very well done.
The repetition of "no more" almost got on my nerves, because it was repeated in the title too, so that was a bit strange for me - Edgar Allen Poe could have titled The Raven as "Nevermore" but that would have been a bit too much, don't you think?
A different title would make this more powerful.
I like the parens in the last two lines of each stanza, it brings continuity to the piece, and reminds the reader that feelings are behind words - so if words are the ammunition, feelings are the underlying weapon.
A good read - and a good write. -
this was a very nice piece. i enjoyed it,
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TY for entering my contest !
good luck
- Page <3
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soo
we don't tell people what we think of it nowadays? I appreciate the applause, but I would more appreciate feedback
oh and your welcome, it was an original contest
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Thank you for your beautiful and heartfelt entry, good luck, Josie
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Excellent
Its really good when you hear someone who was once heartbroken speak like this
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