The dark comes looking and we feel it's best to hide.
Best not to confront the fears, we bury deep inside.
The ones that make us curl up tight, the ones that make us lie.
The secrets we don't tell ourselves, because they make us cry.
The dark comes searching and we think it's best to run.
Best to try and get away, from people we've become.
The ones that always hurt themselves, the ones who don't belong.
The futures we try to avoid, the ones that turn out wrong.
In the end it just won't matter what we try to do.
Theres no escaping from the darkness, when it comes for you.
The truth will surface in you whether fight, or hide, or run.
The dark will take you over and you knew that it would come.
© copyrighted property of T.J.S
Author notes
Shadedgrey- This piece refers to the truths and conflicts that we hold within, and the inevitability of confronting them and accepting ourselves for who we are.
A contest entry
- Truth - What is it worth to you? by DragonBlue.
1000 points, ended April 9, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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I think its interesting and truthful.good job.
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reality very well expressed...it flows to the readers' mind to take out all the darkness with good rhyme...
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Very good flow. It sounded like it might be a song, and I loved how it bounced around in my head. Keep on writing my friend, please!
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I like this piece a lot and think it's a great reminder that running and hiding from our fears and ourselves only comes back to hurt us in the long run. Standing up and facing them is the only way to go, and recognizing who we are at a given time so that we can work to change ourselves going forward. Congrats on the honorable mention, I think this is a great piece.
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I like how this appeals to the feelings inside oneself because they are ones that probably everyone can relate to feeling at one time or another. The flow is great and even though the rhyming words used are somewhat simplistic it doesn't take away from the piece. Thank you for entering.
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This was trult great,
I truly liked it from beginning to end. I also found this to be very important sociologically! -
Judging on the scale below:
1. Passionate write 6/6
Very smooth, rhyming stanza with a flow and rhythm I enjoyed thoroughly. You write with a depth seldom found on the many writing sites I belong too.
2. Visualization 6/6
Excellent adjectives and visualizations. Inner journey though it seemed or more an inner dialog in the analogy of the human race.
3. Grammar & Spelling 5/5
Looked but no evidence of missed typos, bad grammar, or spelling.
4. Interesting & Convincing 4/4
Very & Exceptionally. **curtsies**
5. Follows the Rules 2/4
I mark off two points for every rule not followed, mostly because I have so few with no restrictions on form, length, etc. There was no option number mentioned in your author's notes as requested.
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TOTAL POINTS 23/25
Overall, your pen was excellent, well rhymed, metered and well thought out. Thank you for entering my contest.
Write On~
)O(
DragonBlue
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This is a great poem. I can really relate as I am sure alot of us can. The torment of facing our fears.
I really love the line "The secrets we don't tell ourselves, because they make us cry"
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this is very sad... I like the doom feeling that I seem to get over this, it reminds me of a novel I read about a girl who was lonely and moved to a house that was haunted and was comforted by the ghost of a boy who died there years ago.
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I love this poem. It's really amazing and I can really connect to it. I've felt this way plenty of times. This is amazing. Alyssa
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Great vocabulary and flow, The construction was great as well. I loved the line "The ones that make us curl up tight, the ones that make us lie.". A great write, thanks for the read.
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I loved this piece and thanks for the advice on my poem as well..I think I will try writing it in ryhme and see what happens..thanks again.
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Wow.
I wasn't prepared for this much awesomeness this morning. It is so true though, the darkness is a patient predator, isn't it? Masterful, simply masterful.
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Beautiful!
I loved this. Very truthful and wonderful. <3
Good write.
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I think what you're talking about is really guilt. Not to say we do so many wrong things, but to say society criticises us for so much, we cower at every decision. If we're slightly selfish, or human, we are chasticed.
That's why I often say "Fuck society right up its stupid ass.
"
But that's just me. -
Often
I feel this way because I have been haunted by my inner demons most of my life. Yes it is dark and lonely but writting has help me get throught those hard times. I hear you very clearly
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the darkness shall consume inevitably? The metaphor of darkness as confronting our own inner demons is a creative idea. Nice.
until immolation,
Grimoire -
Ooohh.
Very scary.
I like the rhyming.
:]
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Wow...A very ominous and dark piece. I loved it! The inevitability of the darkness, and the ending were amazing. Thank you for entering this into the contest and good luck!
Best of wishes,
XBlankSIllhouetteX
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