make me a mosaic.
crack and splinter bits and pieces of glass
forming jagged rainbows in our eyes
rhyme a little blue with aquamarine
and bleach the effect with dyes and sand
can you be accurate as god
in this torrid fountain of truth & image
save the compliments for last,
i'd like to see what you really
look like.
without the feathered hat,
without the limousine shoes
without the mink and the silk and the straps
without underwear
and especially without that
frown you carry around.
blend the frayed mistakes with
the bronze bold beauties
and the topaz features of feet and woe
gold frames your chin and bounces off
slight smoke arising
hungry for deception
nostrils skyline afterthought
peels away sticky misconceptions from
how you really see your lover
cut out from glass and barbs and paper.
oh, love, can't you see?
i could never live up to this
pretty picture of me.
Author notes
thoughts on an abstract subject.
cheers.
A contest entry
- the suggestion box by grassisgreener.
600 points, ended March 10, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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This is pretty. It reminds me of that old glamor, that vintage cocoa and lush everything that sparkled from behind black and white.
It was like, the slick and smooth player and his girl, his babe. Just that bombshell of a girl trying to live up to being a femme fatale. Thick with make-up and allure and breath like cherries.
Just, imagining these hollywood people without all that glitz, did they long just to run in meadows and all that? I dunno! Thats just what this write popped into my head!
anyways, the wording was absolutely gorgeous.
"rhyme a little blue with aquamarine"
That was so cute, fairytale like. So pretty.
xox♥
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i like the image you present of "rhyming" colors, thats like synesthesia, or whatever its called--the ability to "hear" colors, or see smells, or get any two senses confused. the "nostril skyline" blows up the image of the lover to compete with the horizon itself, dominating and sensual.
i don't feel as though the last five lines quite fit, or the first. you open and close talking about an image of yourself, but the poem is describing someone else. its a bit confusing, but the piece overall executes sparkling imagery that i really enjoyed. thanks for entering! -
rhyme a little blue with aquamarine
and bleach the effect with dyes and sand
can you be accurate as god
those lines were amazing, the images you chose to present were flawless and worked together to deliver the piece as a whole. the ending wasn't my favorite, to me it seemed a bit out of place next to the rest of the poem, but nonetheless i'm loving it.
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'oh, love, can't you see?
i could never live up to this
pretty picture of me.'
how fucking amazing are you and this whole poem.
i loved the opening it was like a painting.
enter my contest!
<33 -
i was talking yesterday about how you have such a wonderfull sense of dialect in your written work
this could be used as an example
the beauty of conciousness and mind in prose. -
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haha, really, talking about me?
well glad to be up to my standards.
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I think the language is really cool... to me it seems like a poem where you just sort of try to describe the wanderings of your mind, and it's a very beautiful attempt to do so.
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