i crave
to waver over
the absolute deepest
lake,
leaping like an amazon
feelin so good to die today.
cranking some
tropic coastlines way way up there,
the seas breath suddenly
sounds like
some..
submersible, artistic girl
eyes muddied like springtime with a
raw-sugar rhythm in her glossy
bones,
(they were crafted by seawolves who's music awoke the ancient remians of island children & they danced and danced)
she flames & draws the world around
her waist
..guitar
i dig my toes into the rug
hypnotise this 11:07pm with a twirly spine
so follow me
okay
Author notes
I wrote this after dancing to Metric for 2 hours. I want to be beautiful at something oneday.
This is just my response to sound and rhythm, images that I think about.
Jumping into a crazed something that can flip me up & out of here.
musicmusic.
xox<3<3
A contest entry
- the suggestion box by grassisgreener.
600 points, ended March 10, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
i dont feel so far
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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oh woooww! This is amazing! you are definitely beautiful at something already! more more more...give me mooorreee!
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=D Thank you for your supersweet comment<3!
xo♥
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metric!!!
leaping like an amazon
feelin so good to die today.
this reminded me of a redhotchilipeppers song.
raw-sugar cranking glossy bones seawolves
i love your choice of wordsss
<33ily girlywhirly.
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girlywhirly<33 luv it!
Thanks for your comments bombShel♥, makes me so happy to know someone as world rockin amazing as you is reading my mind.
=D I love you girly, I gotta message you soon I miss you!
♥
xoxo<3
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I want to be beautiful at something too. I just want to find that one thing that is my element, that I'm like a pro at. Yeah...anyways....
I like the idea of taking the jump, the largest in history, and conquering it, and even if it doesn't work out, you're just happy you tried it. That's the kinda feel I got from the first bit.
The whole part about the artsy girl, and how she's basically made of music and her world is just this sketch book where she draws, where she is art in motion, just makes me think of "Across the Universe," since it was the last artsy kind of movie I saw. Its a beautiful film that really makes you wanna do something creative, and it diffinately defends the point that music just feeds inspiration.
"i dig my toes into the rug
hypnotise this 11:07pm with a twirly spine" --this line reminds me of you getting ready to dance, where you're just doing these crazy stretches.
Whoa, this is like huge! I'm going to stop saying random things; however this is beautiful darlin'. Woo, music. <3
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=D
thanks for your huge pretty comment!!
music feeds inspiration to the max!
Haha you totally saw the getting ready to dance part
.
<3luvya
xo
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leaping like an amazon
feelin so good to die today.
this reminds me of jumping off a vine into a lake like they do on tv
i love your author notes! i want to be beautiful at something some day, too.
the ending of this really ties the tone together, playful, inviting, and all the assonance and consonance like
submersible, artistic girl
eyes muddied like springtime with a
raw-sugar rhythm
was well done.
thanks for entering! -
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=P i dont know what assonances or consonances but im glad i rock at them!
Thanks for your comment<33, you totally saw my jungle woman vision. Whenever I think of jungle girls it is just the most inspiring free thing to me in the world, always cheers me up. So so happy you saw something in this, you rock♥.
xoxo<3
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the seas breath,
wow now why didnt i think of that? lol
darlin' you are such a big ball of universal light; you could pierce through any sort of darkness and really enlighten those who read your words; im so very happy till this day that i found you & that you are a good friend of mine.
thanx for sharing love
♥
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=D aww littlelove, you are so sweet.
im sure i was inspired to write the seas breath from you some way or another, you have no idea how much I read your words and how they crash into my head and light ideas for me. You are my inspiration girl, my idol<33.
God I am so happy i found you and you're my good good friend!! What would I do without a creative baby like you!<3thanks for sharing your thoughts, keep expressing forever you are so beautiful!
xoxo♥
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1. i love metric.
2. "submersible, artistic girl
eyes muddied like springtime with a
raw-sugar rhythm in her glossy
bones,
(they were crafted by seawolves who's music awoke the ancient remians of island children & they danced and danced)
she flames & draws the world around
her waist"
that is possibly the best thing you've ever written. maybe? and everything after that is really quite marvelous.
and and yay <3
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Oh god thank you so much for reading!<3
God you make me so confident, the best thing i've ever written =D you make me just want to pour words out.
thank you thank you♥
xo
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