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two lovers

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

two lovers vow


undying love

under the mortal moon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Comments

1 - 29 of 29
  • Beautiful. Simple, but it has a lot of magnitude. Powerful words... just hope it turned true...


  • Dalaney gold member
    May 31

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    undying and mortal...

    a contradiction, just like love....

    Lane

  • this makes one feel so much, even with so few words. J


  • pania gold member
    March 17
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    like the mortal moon. also the craziness implied, by the light of.


  • boilerjim
    March 6

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    Simplicity

    You Know how I love simplicity. Thanks for this simple yet deep ditty. Thanks for the thoughts and words.


  • Grunts Girl
    March 5

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    you had me sit here and ponder....
    for some reason i just didnt feel mortal as the common mortal meaning of death but more along the definition of human... like the man in the moon - the face - watching over the two lovers..
    so i went to webster....
    and there it was under mortal - a human being and then i thought aboute the human limits... and how relationships are tested
    so....
    that was pretty neat

    and if i totally took this is some weird half assed direction...spank me gently lol

  • if sighing
    March 3

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    My forehead just hit the desk in half amazement and half jealously. I barely even noticed the repetition of "love(rs)" which is a peeve of mine.

    It's three lines. I'm still amazed.
    Still amazed.


  • Redstormy gold member
    March 3
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    damn I like this!


  • EdP
    March 3

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    My undying love is reserved for Murphy's oil soap.

    Pledge has a lovely, lemon scent but can't compare.

    lovers are fools, beautiful, hopeful fools

  • I wish I had a nickel for every time I was pledged undying love. I'd have a few nickels. And sometimes that love lasted a whole weekend.

    Maybe that is why it made Karamel Kandy cry.

    Short and sweet. Still pondering the MORTAL moon. Interesting choice of modifiers.

    Desiree


  • Namita silver member
    March 1

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    I don't know why- this made me cry

    Because its too good. maybe. I love the irony here "undying" and "mortal"- as Mary said "mortal" has such a tremendous effect here. Beautifully said, Al.

    I don't know why, but I like "beneath a mortal moon" better. Just a teeny-weeny suggestion. Better throw it away... you're amazing, I worship you.

    - namita


  • Elora Danon gold member
    February 28
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    sometimes the pledge is all we need

    beautiful al

    e~


  • mantis180
    February 28
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    Undying love doesn't seem to last as long as it used to...


  • Cat gold member
    February 28

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    i've read this several times..

    the word mortal stands out to me

    it is such a good word-

    the poem of course makes me sad all over again.. but such is life i suppose..

    it's a good poem

    m


  • Balldinger silver member
    February 28

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    one pledge...

    ah-hah! and the man in the sphere grows queer with a certain purpose. I made a pledge once and got stuck with dusting the rest of my life...i noticed the acrostic spells TUB - any correlation? ~ EZB


  • Watuwant silver member
    February 28

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    Ahhhh. Its amazing how so much can be said with so few words. I love the ending line...
    peace
    doug

  • K-Dense
    February 28
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    Nice!

    -C

  • Suzanne Dia gold member
    February 28

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    Short, but really nice. This image could easily be cliched, but one word changes that completely..

    'mortal'

    Love this.



  • NomDePlume silver member
    February 28
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    Sometimes

    The fewer the words, the more that is said behind the silence. Nicely done.

    Michael


  • Rowan gold member
    February 28
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    enough said. Perfect.


  • NurseChilly gold member
    February 28

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    the death of a poet and the love of the universe...

    sigh sigh sigh

    simply beautiful... almost a fantasy world opening up to show just a glimmer of radiance


    Gill.x


  • misselaineous gold member
    February 28
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    the juxtaposition of undying and mortal is fantastic

  • Arzab
    February 27

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    Powerful write. Amazing how the words paint an image in the mind. Also like the last two lines. It seemed to have an irony to it, how love can last even in a world that isn't everlasting. Thanks for sharing and keep that pen flowing.


  • Zayra
    February 27

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    OH Al, this one, believe it or not, just instantly struck a chord with me and my eyes welled up. That hardly happens around here...meaning I am rarely affected that quickly by words on a page. I guess I can relate because I know this one inside by heart and somehow I live it every day...that mortal moon...mortal mortal moon. Ah, yeah...good one.


  • Night Hope gold member
    February 27

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    Yeahhh, what Yvette sayeth so succinctly & true to heart & hearth. Gorgeous, Al. Ahhh, that mortal moon...the scene of many unfolding hearts. Bravo, you professor of brevity & beauty combined. Wanda

  • Yvette Champ
    February 27

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    Quite amazing just how the poet places imagery, emotion,poetic device all with impact within just nine words.Kudos. The poem has an intrinsic sigh melded with an almost Shakespearian influence.

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