The darkness that engulfs me
sweeps around my soul
the ghost i have become
is not one without the woe.
My pain may not be quite dead
at least, not like me
but one day i will satisfy the hunger
and the light i pray i see.
I remember the blackness and chills
the grave to which i shall never return
those who bid me to hades
may they always burn.
For the fright i faired on Earth
is nothing compared to this
i am constantly searching,
alone and without bliss.
The sorrow my heart endures
as i watch my loved ones near
make mistakes due to my loss
and let my ghost feel fear.
Please do not be sinful
love those you despise
for you could end like me
in an eternal panic of demise.
A contest entry
- Ghosts by Frodofan.
475 points, ended February 29, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please be as honest as possible, but not to the point where you're just cruel. Be fair, and thanks!
Comments
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I'd like to see the word "I" capitalized (it's one of the first rules of basic grammar and adds nothing to the poem). Otherwise, it's not bad. Some of the phrasing may not be as natural as it could be, but I like the message. The last stanza is a great conclusion. Thanks for entering.
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