As I slowly walk, down the aisle
I look at you, and see a smile
Dreams of you spinning in my head
I lie here in this empty bed
They said the day would soon be here
Cancer had spread, and death was near
The loss of you I truly dread
I lie here in this empty bed
The angels came and took away
My precious love that fateful day
My tears for you I cry instead
I lie here in this empty bed
Never again will I pretend
That by my side is my best friend
No chance to love, my heart is dead
I lie here in this empty bed
My love for you will always be
The only thing I won't set free
I tried to do just what you said
I lie here in this empty bed
Author notes
option #9 empty bed--word prompt
My first attempt at kyrielle, and thank you Amera for having good instuctions and poems in form, on your site, for me to follow.
In a list
A contest entry
- Are You Ready? by Dalaney.
2300 points, ended March 14, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Worthy of Gold by Virgoan.
900 points, ended April 17, 2008, 73 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
new writer, would love critique and feedback
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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a good piece, not seen or written the kyrielle for ages, this flows nicely along i think, smoothe. a sad poem with the death hovering here.
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Well written...
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Beautiful
This is a wonderful and sad poem. You are very good at creating proper imagery when it is needed. There are two types of poems for me, the ones that create a movie in my head and the ones that send me information for pondering. This is a movie poem. Great Write! ~Peace~Gar -
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thanks for reading, I enjoyed this one. First time on a form such as this, and it was a bit of a challenge. Jen
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This is such a beautifully penned but sad take on the prompt. I really enjoyed the style used and the sharing that you put into this piece. Thank you for sharing and best wishes in the comp
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Thank you for your kind comments, they are appreciated. jennifer
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a beautiful attempt, too
thank you so much for entering. love, lane
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I love that your rhyme in this is actually good!!! sometimes rhyme is used poorly, but you do a wonderful job here. so sad, and the parallelism definitely stresses that. beautiful!
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Sa....sad.....sad. Very well expressed, this came from the heart.
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wow, a second comment, you must have truly enjoyed this one. thanks
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Very Good
My love for you will always be
The only thing I won't set free
I tried to do just what you said
I lie here in this empty bed
Quite the story
all well said
Rick
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Thanks, He wanted her to move on and find love again, but she couldn't. once I started it just flowed all by itself with very little persuasion. i appreciate your comments. Jennifer
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Oh! My heart breaks!
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Its sad huh, glad its not real. Had fun with this one. It was like a school project. learning something new. *smile* wait a minute. school=fun ? did I just say that?. lol
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