The sun embraces my face,
making me smile.
The grass murmurs softly,
"Sit and stay a while."
Trees nod their agreement,
slowly swaying in the breeze.
This quiet, subtle beauty
brings me to my knees.
Gentle, loving voices call out to me
"Remember this?..."
"Remember when...."
Once upon a memory.
Each silent friend stirs up my soul,
binding up my broken heart
and making me feel whole.
Soaking it all in
I lay back in the grass;
savoring each moment
and watching as they pass.
Birds twitter softly
within this peaceful dome
as the wind whispers to my heart
"My dear, welcome home."
Author notes
There truly is no place like home.
What did you think
Comments
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Excellent
I love it. Very peaceful, descriptive, just beautiful.
I would just say, after reading Perception's comment below... 'what makes this easier on the eyes?' Your writing is great, and you should be proud of the fact that you are creating your OWN line structure and flow (which, going from the sample of your original structure below, looks easy enough to me!) Are you convinced about the changes you have made? By all means, the suggestions made come from a talented writer, and are very valid, but still, you have every reason to put your own judgement first. After all, the words came from your heart and mind, and so, who knows how best to present them?
Anyway, a really pleasant read. I enjoyed it. Thanks for the link.
David. x
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Oh... this is so beautiful... I loved the imagery, the descriptions were amazing... I really could feel the grass below my feet.... oh wow...
The flow was great (but, I suggest that you divide up some of the thicker lines into two, such as:
The sun embraces my face, making me smile.
The grass murmurs softly, "sit and stay a while."
Trees nod their agreement, slowly swaying in the breeze.
would be so much easier on the eyes if it was:
The sun embraces my face,
making me smile.
The grass murmurs softly,
"sit and stay a while."
Trees nod their agreement,
slowly swaying in the breeze.
but either way, it still has it's amazing beauty....
~ well done, there poet
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