One day in despair I prayed for some help
No God appeared, but the Devil himself
Acting on impulse, I offered a trade
Creating a debt
That could not be paid
I danced with the devil and broke a few bones
Though not quite so many as most souls who go
I hid from him secrets and fed him just lies
All without blinking as I looked in his eyes
I promised him riches of which I had none
and proceeded to sell him the Moon and the Sun
Then while he slept, I stole away
Leaving the debt
And the Devil unpaid
I danced with the devil and broke a few bones
Though not quite so many as most souls who go
I hid from him secrets and fed him just lies
All without blinking as I looked in his eyes
Too ashamed to give chase he let me go free
Having been tricked by a mere mortal like me
I kept my silence and he stayed away
And the debt it still stands
To this very day
So I danced with the devil and yeah, I broke a few bones
Though not quite so many as most souls who go
I traded my soul (but what he didn’t know)
Was I misplaced it myself (a long time ago)
I traded my soul, he didn’t know
I misplaced it myself, a long time ago
Author notes
I've had the chorus for ages, it was originally going to be part of a poem but I got nowhere. Came back a few months later and wrote this today. Comments much appreciated on this one, thanks
Option 11 - Song
She Has My Heart
A contest entry
- Music Lyrics! by ForeverFarAway.
360 points, ended March 12, 2008, 20 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~Dead is the New Alive~ OPTIONS CONTEST by Figg.
450 points, ended March 19, 2008, 30 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Songs/Lyrics Options by albinoblacksheep720.
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Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Suggestions?
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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ROB in the hood eh..
I did the two step with a turtle and stepped on his bit's. He wer'ent nearly as mad as the devil with the shit;s! Nice song... Nice trade!! !
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Yes. ;)
however, remove the "I" in this line in the last stanza:
So I danced with the devil and yeah, I broke a few bones (remove "I")
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I personally think that this has to be one of the best pieces I have read on here!!! Outstanding job on rhythm and flow......And the imagery within was mind blowing!! Fantastic job and very worthy of the shiney's. Best of luck here as well
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Wow! Thanks!!!
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This is great! Very clever indeed, out-dancing the devil. I especially like the last two lines. Kind of ties up the whole thing.
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I love this! I like the idea of a mortal tricking the devil, but most of all, the ending is what got me, the misplacing of your own soul long ago.
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love it breath of freash air
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Just dis
One day in despair I prayed for some help
No God appeared, but the Devil himself
Acting on impulse, I offered a trade
Creating a debt
That could not be paid
fab mate
luv it all
abe -
woa...i like this!
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Thanks
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omg I love it!
Great job and best of luck =] -
Wow, I love the idea of being so bad ass that you made the devil feel ashamed, lol.
Whenever you encounter a poem or lyrics that deal with a mortal facing the devil, the character usually kills him with goodness or some honorable act of cunning. This subverts that cliche completely and cleverly. I could see this as an awesome psychobilly tune.
There's alot of alliteration through this but it's so subtle that you wouldn't notice (unless you were looking, which I tend to do.) It gives each line a little punch - "debt and the devil," "danced with the devil and broke a few bones." This is the kind of phrasing that really makes a song.
I just really enjoyed the idea behind this one and you executed it marvellously. Very cool!
-Kate
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Haha, that's just some small-guy fantasy about being so bad-ass you can show the Devil a thing or too.
I hadn't even realised with the alliteration! Maybe that's why the chorus sounded right to start with...I dunno.
Thanks! x
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So...
thats why Leicester keep on losing!!... you owe... big time! I always said you had no soul... joking! Another goody, different again, it seems you can "mix and match" without any trouble. U.F.I.
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Aye that must be it! Lol
x
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Brilliantly penned lyrics, I am see some kind of zanny, fresh, obscure, punk-rock music here... but focus on the guitars
The repition worked so well. And the sarcastic tones were very well done... as you built off of the cliche idea into something fresh. The funny thing is (referring back to the sarcasm) how strong it was through the right and how the last line was even better!
"Too ashamed to give chase he let me go free"
Too ashamed to give a care? I don't know... fill me in. As for that, the only disruption I spotted in the flow. Great rhyming
Excellent pennings...
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Pacman!!!
Thanks man - appreciate it Wahoo! Someone who appreciates sarcasm
to give chase is to start to chase something...just an expression!
Ta for the comment and applause! x
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All without blinking as I looked in his eyes
That line there was a mouthful.. I don't know how to fix it though :(
Was I misplaced it myself (a long time ago)
And that line and its repetition sounds somewhat awkward!AND
That's all the critique I can give, lol.
I remembered reading this from you - perhaps a draft of the beginning - it was way awesome. Good thing you found something to do with it - I don't know what to do with like more than half of my drafts and single verses !!!!!
♥
Chandni
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Lol yeah you read the first few stanzas when it was a poem, but only the "chorus" made it through to this really...plus a couple of lines.
Unblinking as a I looked him right in the eyes - is that better?
And if I take away the "was" is that easier to say? -
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Both fixes better
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