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Intervention

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Intervention



Water so shallow, cool running and clear

fast flowing away over rocks to the sea,
high on the hillside a herd of red deer
graze on soft heather, they roam wild and free.

A fisherman stands so silent and still,
the softest of mists rise up in the air,

a swish of the line cast out with such skill,
one tiny fish to be caught by his snare.

Rise on a thermal an eagle soars high
surveying the scene played out far below,
a snatch of the line, all plans go awry,
one flick of the tail, defiance on show.

 

The flash of its talons, the fish borne away
and man's intervention defeated this day.

 

 


 

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • maa gold member
    March 13, 2008

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    a very appealing and graceful sonnet that sparkles with delightful and vivid imagery ... a wonderfully narrated story about the beauty and mystery of nature ... I loved this verse very much ...

    maa


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    March 12, 2008

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    I loved your ending couplet. Well done. A delightful sonnet true to the contest specs. Best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela


  • MargaretG
    March 10, 2008

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    You have good imagery of the mountain river and an interesting story. There is certainly more than meets the eye. You have chosen an unusual meter, and kept it steady. Interesting and well done. Thanks for entering.


  • Lyndon gold member
    March 10, 2008

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    Almost narrative

    Certainly of nature and set in nature. The plans of bird and man ....
    Classic Shakespearean rhyme form.
    The rhythm is falling rhythm.
    "Water so shallow, cool running and clear" is decasyllabic. The prosody is more complex than in the traditional sonnet.
    "WATer so SHALlow, cool RUNning and CLEAR"
    The first metrical foot is a trochee: /x
    This has trochaic vigor and does make plain the sense of movement.
    The next two feet are the amphibrachs. x/x.
    These amphibraic measures have a rapid, smooth flowing effect.
    Finally, the beat ends strongly with the iambic foot.
    Mists cannot "rise down". You have " rise up" where "up" is there for a stressed syllable and redundant verbiage.
    As for the poem ... it is positive, refreshing and has its volta in line 13 and the wry reflection in line 14.
    The first quatrain is the natural setting for your scene. The second quatrain, the fisherman plying his craft. Quatrain three involves the actions of the eagle.
    So, structurally, your sonnet is planned well with its action.
    Thank you for entering.
    Lyndon of the Winklings.


  • z etoile
    February 29, 2008
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    Oh I am becoming a fan of your writing I really like your style...


  • Pete Greenslade gold member
    February 28, 2008

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    golly//where do you find all your joyous subject matter,, such a nice change from love..i feel like the great outdoors today because of this fine work,,thank you, xx


  • arafura gold member
    February 27, 2008
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    Very descriptive and well written my friend! Great work... Good luck in the contest!


  • SomeonesToySoldier gold member
    February 27, 2008

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    Ahhh you give away your location in the world with this one. I love the rhyme though. And the mental image i get picture aside. i really enjoied it.


  • moonbumps silver member
    February 27, 2008

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    Well caught-scuse the pun!
    Great write and sorry I couldn't find anything wrong with it!!!! xxx Love Hilly


  • BuriedTreasures silver member
    February 27, 2008

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    WOW

    What an awesome take on the prompt and what excellent portayal inpoetic form--Excellent--Best of luck in the contest!


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    February 27, 2008

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    I've never tried a sonnet but you do it will skill Sue! I loved the story too... coming from a family of guys who like to fish, I could really relate to it, it brought a smile to my face!!

1 - 11 of 11