in a pond
touching the moon
a dog's nose
in a pond
a dog's nose
wets the moon
in a pond
a thirsty dog
ripples the moon
Author notes
any suggestions about how to see a dog and the moon?
This is not counting as entry, of course (do you read this leander?)
In a list
A contest entry
- favourite haijins (INVITATED ONLY!!!) by Mari Goes.
900 points, ended February 29, 2008, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
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I love every one of these haikus! wow...these are cute
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i love both the first and third ... and many edits came to mind ... hehe ... but i couldnt settle on one ... until finally the 'moment' distilled in my mind
a summer
moon ripples --
thirsty dog
and again many laughs from cucumber's comment >>> Gina -
moon in pond
curious dog
drowns
poops in pond
a dog
fond of moons
p0nD
a dead dog
ripples the moon
(p0nD simulates rippling
I know, I know, no capital letters in haiku, well I asked Mr. Joe Basho, king of haiku...[he insists on the small 'k'] and he said he liked it....and besides the O is reallt the number zero if you look. 
)
or if you're not into violent haiku:
**burp**
a thirsty dog
**burp**
drinks the moon
**burp**
Who said a haiku can't be 4 lines...no one that I know of...the lines should be like the on or onji or whatever it is, a guideline, not a rule. Go write that down somewhere. Yes, been awake since 3:30, I'm lack-of-sleep drunk.
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LOL I like the burp one, maybe a great Trafalgar burp day
Laughing here, thanks for that
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captured
in my dog's eye
the moon
painting
my dog in silver
the moon
my garden
painted in silver
a howling dog
visiting
the moon in a pond
my dog
silver dogs
visiting the moon
in a pond
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You painted your dog in silver! How cruel.
The greatest joy in life is being intentionally obtuse.
Did whats-her-faceGoes let you in her contest? She's a snob you know.
They're good, the haiku I mean...not my antics.
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Ok, so I don't know how to do the clapping guys, close your eyes and imagine clapping yellow dinges lol
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WOW! Must log in as Gaze to applaud these haiku of yours, but you know that I think of them, excellent *clap**clap**clap*
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I love the three different versions ...
especially the last one ...
you are such a haiku-genius, I am learning so much from your example ...
okay, since you are asking, I will use this challenge as an exercise for me and try to come up with an appropriate haiku ...
see you soon !
maa
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Thanks Marion! I'll include your name there and hopefully you'll be getting good reviews, ask myron, he is so good at reviewing and and excellent haiku writer as well
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you're a gem, mari ...
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shhh, go write a haiku
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lovely!
in a pond
touching the moon
a dog's nose
i can see the dog and the moon clearly in this version. it's a wonderful haiku.
why aren't you counting this as an entry? it works very well i reckon.
where is this pond? here is a suggested variation:
a dog's nose
touches the moon
.... pond
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Hi Myron, thanks for your review!
This is actually my second account, I just like joining my own contests
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LOL!
good one!
entering your own contest eh? well in that case...
all the best - i hope you win LOL.
seriously though - which version do you prefer?
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The third one. Maybe the imagery of a rippled moon can't be seen so directly, but I do like it
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preference
yes the third one works well, although it doesn't have a caesura:
....pond --
a thirsty dog
ripples the moon
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why not 'in a pond'? This page is like a thread, I'm enjoying it so much
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because if you have that it reads like a run-on poem.
a haiku, technically works better with one break in the syntax. otherwise you've just written a sentence, cut up into 3 lines, rather than a haiku.
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three very distinct images to my thoughts, especially the sense of movement of the thirsty dog and the moon...my fav of three delightful poems... wish I could write like that...even once...PK
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roaring thunder
and swaying clomps -
the bearded lady
I sick at this too
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a poem
to raise a hare
plusje at keyboard
I suck at this -
I can think of 100's of ways to see a dog and the moon...none of them are haiku though...most begin with, "I kicked the dog...and end with, "over the moon" and are from a cats point of view...
Amazing the seeming innumerable ways we can express things. Even these little haiku teach us of the multitude of ways...and in those ways it reminds me how easy we can see things differently, and seeing that, how can we come to a consensus on anything...
But I've gone far afield...you're a smart critter
Now go write your simileku.
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And what on earth is my name doing there again
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I still remember the 1st time you saw me (as Gaze) entering in (me as Mari) my own contest, you asked what I was doing posting an entry in my own contest lol I have a very good memory, that was like 203 years ago
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oh yeah, now you mention it
You still had a beard back then huh
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She has a dirty mouth!
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well, there were like 20 breadcrumbs in that beard
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waaneer kom je naar Antwerpen weer..? Ik watch op jou
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Uhm... as soon as I'm sure you forgot about the clomps
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thanks for the good laugh, now I think I'll meet my friend Morpheus...slaap wel
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I'm going to meet my friend snoreboy soon too
slaap zacht lieverd
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you little bastard, where are my clomps!!!
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LMAO
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In a pond
a dirty dog
wees on the moon
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