My Vow

Asa- I’m sorry for bringing you into my jacked up life. I’m sorry that you care so much. I’m sorry that I will never be perfect. I’m sorry that you worry about me. I’m sorry that I love you in a way that I will never understand. I’m sorry.

Courtney- I’m sorry that you think that I wanted to steal Asa from you. I’m sorry that I would never deliberately steal anyone from anyone else. I’m sorry that you trusted me. And I’m sorry that I broke that trust.

Zach- I’m sorry that I thought you loved me. I’m sorry that I thought you deserved me. I’m sorry that you’re not worth my tears anymore. I’m sorry that I wasted too much time crying over you.

Chelsea- I’m sorry that I disappointed you. But I’m not worth crying over. I’m sorry that you worry about me-when I’m clearly not worth it. I’m sorry that I will always love you-whether I like it or not.

I’m tired of always being sorry. I’m tired of hurting the ones I love. And I’m tired of letting people hurt me. I won’t do it. Not anymore. I’m changing. For the better. I’m going to make everything all right. There are too many people that care about me for me to sit around and throw away my life. I finally realized it. After 17 years, I finally figured it out.

I’m done apologizing for things I didn’t do.
I’m done pushing away the ones I love.
I’m done fighting my fears.
I’m done smoking.
I’m done drinking.
I’m done cutting.
I’m done lying.
I’m done sleeping around.
I’m done starving myself.
I’m done popping pills.
I’m done pretending to be someone I’m not.
I’m done.

I’m ready to change. To love wholly. To take care of myself. To not give my heart away until I know the love is real. This is my vow. To change everything in my life that is unhealthy. To love with my whole heart, mind and body. This is my vow to love ME, to take care of ME, and for once put my HEART before my HEAD.